More people than you might think have issues with self-confidence between the sheets. They may have had a relationship breakdown, be young and relatively new to sex, or had a few bad experiences. With such an intimate and involving act with another human being, it can be all too easy to start questioning your own competence and worry that your partner might find you wanting.
You may be the confident one – but feel that the person you are with is worried about their capability in the bedroom. In that case you need to make them feel comfortable, assuring them how much you want to be intimate with them. Choose sex positions that can build their confidence – not ‘hanging from the chandeliers’ ones that would challenge an olympic lover.
One of the easiest and gentlest is spooning. The woman lies on her side, facing away and with her hips slightly above her partner’s pelvis. That way he should be able to wrap his arms around her and enter her from behind. It is wonderfully warm and intimate. It allows him fairly deep penetration and frees his hands to stimulate her breasts and clitoris. For both it can build closeness, comfort and puts no pressure on either partner – and so can be a strong confidence builder.
The next position is simply involves her turning around to make it face to face, with both still on their sides. This can develop after plenty of kissing, cuddling and manual foreplay (save oral sex till you are comfortable with doing that). Again the woman should make sure her hips are above the man’s – and she can wrap one leg over her partner’s to ease penetration. It usually doesn’t involve a lot of movement but allows kissing to continue and looking lovingly and reassuringly into one another’s eyes.
We can’t leave out the most common sex position of all, the missionary. This is the vertical version of the face to face. It can be enhanced by him riding higher on her pubic mound to advance it into what’s called the coital alignment, or CAT, technique, known for making orgasm more likely for her. And what could build confidence for both more than that. As boldness builds the woman can try other variations such as the bridge position where she raises her pelvis up while balancing on her shoulders and feet.
The second most practiced sex position – and the number one favorite for many – is the classic doggie position. The woman gets on her hands and knees with legs spread. The man kneels between them and enters her from behind. Partners don’t see one another’s faces, but it’s a highly charged position for both, so any worries would soon get lost in the heights of arousal. Both can reach her clit and breasts. Both enjoy deep penetration – and can feel like they’re stars in a sex movie.
Finally, and maybe counter-intuitively for her, is woman on top. If he’s the one lacking confidence, this is obviously a gift. All he has to do is lie there as the woman takes charge. And for her? Well, one of the best ways to face your fears is tackle them full on. She climbs on top of him and kneels or squats and takes full control of the pace, rhythm and pressure. She can face him – cowgirl, or face away – reverse cowgirl. Nothing could be a bigger confidence boost for her than to work her pelvis so that she achieves her own orgasm – and brings him to his climax, too.
It’s perfectly natural to lack confidence when starting out having sex, or having an episode when you can’t help feeling insecure. It can clearly be challenging to get naked with another human being and to go from there to the deep intimacy of having sex with them. Of course, self-consciousness is entirely in the mind (actually the most powerful sex organ). Everyone deserves to have good sex with a caring partner and without feeling insecure or inadequate. The benefits go way beyond just the act itself but a huge factor in our overall mental and emotional well-being.