For many women, masturbation is the best way of learning about their bodies and their sexual responses, and the best way of enhancing and broadening the range of their sexual responsiveness. We learn about ourselves as sexual beings when we masturbate. We gain in confidence as well as knowledge. There is no-one to please when we masturbate apart from ourselves, so the pressure’s off, and there is no-one looking, which for some women means they can relax fully, and devote themselves to exploring the best ways for them of experiencing orgasm.
It’s partly about technique, though it’s about our state of mind too. Indeed, there are women who can experience orgasm solely through their thoughts. You have a whole body to explore, and a world of sexual fantasy you can enter into in your thoughts. It’s worth making a point of getting your thoughts into the right place. Switch the world off and make sure you’re going to be comfortable naked. It may be you need to unwind – with a bath and a glass of wine, though go easy on the alcohol as it can impede orgasm – or you might like a little stimulation in the form of sexy pictures or videos, easily found online. It’s nice to set your fantasies in motion as you start to touch yourself. Music can as well be a big help.
Most female orgasm is from stimulation of the clitoris, but you don’t need to begin there, or become too focused on clitoral stimulation alone. Make it a nice long session. Many find working on their nipples and areola a very sensual start. Massage around you thighs and over your mons pubis. Try using the flat of your palm, and alternating this with scrunching hand movements. Vary the pressure and pace over your mons, and add a little personal lubricant to get things slick. If you’ve got pubes, tug on them lightly for that sensation.
With your fingertips, circle around your labia, and pull on them, working them between your fingers. Start with the larger, outer lips for the feeling there. Then as you shift your focus inwards, you’ll begin to stimulate your clitoris more and more. Register and follow your patterns of arousal as you do this. Try shifting between direct stimulation of your clitoris, and continued massage – for less intense stimulation – of your labia. Play between different intensities of sensation. If you find direct stimulation of the clitoris too intense, see how closely you can work your fingers, to the point of working them around the clitoral hood.
As you insert your fingers into your vagina, you’ll discover which areas are more or less pleasurable for you, and how you like your manual play there. Start, perhaps, with one finger, until the opening relaxes and a second will be good too. Circle inside, or reach in with your two middle fingers to massage your G-spot, with a beckoning motion, while the base of thumb presses against your clitoris.
For deeper stimulation, and a feeling of being more full, use sex toys. A dildo or vibrator can achieve things your hands simply can’t. That feeling of being filled can satisfy all the pleasure points inside you, while you continue to massage yourself on the outside. A vibrator gives easy intensity of feeling. The head of a rabbit vibrator swirls inside you, while the bunny ears play on your clitoris.
Stroke and caress your whole body as well when you masturbate. You might like to imagine this is as a lover might touch you, or you might like to think of this in terms of the sensation alone.
Rather than try to force orgasm, let it build, and enjoy the build up – lose yourself in it, and in your fantasies and any music playing. You can see how long you can hold orgasm off, until it absolutely has to come and you can’t resist it any more. Learn about how different techniques, different styles of touch, affect you at different stages of arousal, and develop your skills of self-pleasuring with each session.