Image from the Lovers’ Guide video download: Better Orgasms For Men
Premature ejaculation turns out to be the number one sexual problem faced by men. As many as one in three experience it at some time in their life, according to many studies. It is diagnosed when a man ejaculates sooner than he or his partner would wish – usually when that happens within a minute or so of penetration. Some experience overly quick climaxing when masturbating, too.
If this happens from time to time, it’s nothing to be concerned about – and then it would be called ‘rapid ejaculation’. But if it happens for a while and it is affecting you and your partner’s satisfaction, then treatment should be sought.
Causes of premature ejaculation
What are the causes? There seem to be many possible ones, both psychological and physiological. These include poor early sexual experiences, depression, or anxiety about sexual performance – though other factors can be abnormal hormone levels or certain brain chemicals, or inflammation of the prostate or urethra. It can become a vicious circle in issues with a partner – a major factor in premature ejaculation is relationship stress.
So what treatments or premature ejaculation are available? There are several. One of the simplest is to wear a condom. Not only do they dull the sensation a little by themselves, there are also ‘climax control’ ones available over the counter. These sometimes contain a local numbing agent such as lidocaine. There are also creams and spays containing such anaesthetising substances. Some men dislike that their use causes a loss of sensation and thus decreased sexual pleasure.
There are various oral medications. Antidepressants may help with anxiety issues but are also known to have the side effect of delaying orgasm. Certain analgesics also have this side effect – as can, paradoxically though it may seem, some of the medications used to treat erectile dysfunction.
Pelvic floor exercises for men
Various behavioural techniques can help, too. One of the simplest is to masturbate an hour or two before intercourse – so the urgency to climax is diminished. Toned pelvic floor muscles can help bring a feeling of more control over ejaculation. You can locate these muscle by stopping urination mid-flow. To do that you are using your pelvic floor muscles. You then exercise them by squeezing and releasing them rhythmically for, say, twenty reps three times a day. There is also the stop-start, squeeze technique. As you near the point of ejaculation, you or your partner squeezes your penis where the head joins the shaft for several seconds until the urge to climax subsides. It does interrupt intercourse but can make it last long enough for you and a partner to feel satisfied.
Sex therapy and premature ejaculation
Finally, there are therapy programs developed by sex therapists – and these are claimed to be the only sure-fire route to men gaining dependable ejaculatory control. A big plus, too, is that not only can the man learn to last longer but the changes that are made in sexual technique can make intercourse more satisfying for a sexual partner, too. It is so effective that most men – around 75% – are capable of being able to last as long as they’d like within a matter of months.
Men learn to manage their sexual excitability and replace penis-centred, porn fantasy sex for more mindful and rounded lovemaking. Men need to learn to relax the nervous system by such practices of taking long baths or having full body massage sessions before sex – and being more self aware, with such practices as deep breathing, during it. The aim is to be more sensual that simply sexual. There are professional therapies available – but most men can learn such ejaculatory control by embarking on a self-help program.
Though it’s not a quick fix, once men have mastered their own mental control over how long they can last there is no more need for medications, numbing creams or interrupting intercourse with strategies such as the stop-start technique. Sexual partners will benefit hugely, too, in that there is a fundamental change from wham-bam sex to a more holistically sensual form of lovemaking. And a good sex life is a major contributor to a happy and fulfilling relationship.