Many people believe that watching too much porn can result in problems getting an erection – or maintaining one – when with a real person. The theory goes that because porn is so intense, the brain gets rewired. It is also believed that real person on person sex can’t live up to the fantastic eroticism depicted in porn.
Porn addiction was seen as having the same physiological effects as addictive drugs. But there is no chemical addiction as there is with alcohol, nicotine or cocaine, where once your body gets used to that high, it’s nearly impossible to recreate with anything other than the drug it craves. It is also the case that rates of erectile dysfunction appeared to increase in line with porn becoming widely available on the internet.
Clearly, these pseudo-scientific theories get bound up with moral views that watching sex is an illicit activity and masturbation provokes feelings of shame and guilt. Actually, porn when used as a stimulant is fine and masturbation is positively healthy, as research has now shown. Sure if a guy is trying to have sex shortly after masturbating, he may well still be in the refractory period and so have trouble getting it up at that point.
Truth is, though it may seem a no-brainer that porn and ED are connected, such an oversimplified view fails to take into account all the complexities of sexuality – involving as it does a matrix of relationship issues, emotional states, expectations and so on. There may be some correlation between watching porn and also having erectile problems but correlation is not the same as causality.
For people who have that correlation, the guys who have no trouble getting it up and reaching orgasm with porn by themselves, but then have difficulty getting or keeping it up with a partner, they tend to be younger and less sexually experienced and therefore less sexually knowledgeable and confident. They watch porn and they have erectile problems—but what is causing what? First of all, for most guys, it’s neither. Most guys watch porn at least sometimes (especially younger ones who don’t have a regular sexual partner) and most guys don’t have erectile problems. So, for most guys, the two are unrelated.
But if we only take the subset of guys who both watch porn and also have erectile problems, still porn doesn’t interfere with erections. If anything, guys who are nervous about losing their erection with a partner are more likely to instead prefer masturbating to porn where everything works well—not because of the presence of porn but because of the absence of a partner who they feel anxious about performing well for.
Anxiety Is The Real Cause Of Erectile Problems
And that is the real cause of erectile dysfunction: anxiety. If you are anxious you are unlikely to achieve an erection to begin with – or to lose one if a bout of anxiety strikes.
You could be anxious about someone walking in on you, about contracting an STI, about your ability to please a partner and even just being worried about your capability of keeping it up. It can lead to a vicious circle where the guy is so concerned about getting or maintaining an erection becomes the focus rather than the eroticism of the situation which would otherwise help you stay hard. Focusing on anxious thoughts distracts you from the arousing aspects of the situation. If you aren’t turned on, your erection will do what it should and fade away.
It’s an evolutionary defense mechanism. If you feel anxious, then you probably shouldn’t be having sex—you should be addressing the thing that is making you anxious. For example, if you are worried about being caught and attacked, then sex may not be a good idea. The survival of the species works better when the parents live long enough to birth and raise the child. Blind sexual passion reduces your chances of survival.
Having sex with another person should be a greatly involving, deeply sensual and richly erotic experience. If you can concentrate on that – and be concerned with helping your partner have a wholly satisfying and fulfilling experience – you should be able to keep your thoughts from tipping into erection-killing anxiety. Practice mindfulness, the powerful practice of being wholly present in the moment. Mindful intimacy enriches our empathetic engagement with ourselves and with a sexual partner. Keep your focus on what is sexy in the moment and your erection should take care of itself.
Read more: www.psychologytoday.com