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Sex News

Lockdown Libido Loss And How To Combat It

With lots of people in many countries ‘sheltering in place’ to stay safe during the COVID-19 pandemic, the damage to their sex lives has been enormous. For single people, the opportunity to meet new partners is all but gone. Where couples were living temporarily apart, suddenly they could not see their partners for many extra months. But even where couples are together 24/7, they are mostly experiencing a loss of libido.

At the start of lockdown, people imagined that the newly work-from-homers would be sneaking into the bedroom for afternoon delight most every day. It was expected that the birth rate would rocket because all this extra sex happening. But the opposite seems to be happening with many actually feeling distinctly unaroused during lockdown. Indeed, a recent survey by our sex toy partner, Lovehoney, found that overall sexual activity has declined by a massive 30%.

One person went on Mumsnet, with a post asking women how often they have sex and claiming that her husband wants it every day. The tidal wave of replies ranged from the outraged (suggesting that this man was a sex pest) to those who were enormously impressed. Many brave souls admitted to having little to no libido during lockdown at all and that they were only doing it once every couple of months.

Mumsnet is completely anonymous, which makes it likely an honest reflection of how much sex people are actually having. Before the pandemic, the UK average for young to middle aged couples was around 2.3 times per week, according to YouGov. A study of 1,500 people by Ipsos Mori, focussing on human misconceptions, found that the average man thinks the average woman is having sex 22-23 times a month when the real number is actually five. It also found that the average woman believed that average man was having sex 14 times a month, when in fact his average is four. So once a week seems to be the real norm.

It seems that the gap between how much sex you think other people are having, and how much sex they are actually having, is even greater now than it was before the pandemic.

It might be that both the quality and the quantity in your sex life have dwindled, thanks to on-going panic about corona, the prospect of a massive recession, and the 10lb of extra weight you’ve gained. If that’s the case, you are most certainly not alone, and you may be happy to take a break from sex until you start feeling aroused again.

One issue is that our hormones make it that the more sex you have, the more you want – and, conversely, the less sex the less the desire. If you want to turn things around, you need to change your sexual mindset. Try starting to think more romantically. Take the opportunity to kiss more. Allow yourself to read erotic literature and watch raunchy films – even better, does so together. Surprise each other with new suggestions and even new positions and sex toys.

It is all about changing the trajectory from familiarity breeding contempt – or just boredom – to an upward one of rediscovering each other. Try to remember how you felt when you first started dating, that first kiss, and when you first had sex. Now is the opportunity to work towards recreating the excitement you both felt back then.

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