Image from the Lovers’ Guide video download Sex Play
Sex too easily becomes a ho-hum, mechanical activity. Whether you’re in a long-standing relationship that has gone stale or with a new partner and really want to get things off to an impressive start, choosing to really want to turn your partner on can be a thrilling game with a huge pay off of deeply satisfying sex for you both.
Sex and seduction
Seduction is an art form that few actually do with enthusiasm, skill and ingenuity. Just as poor sex can spread trouble into all aspects of our lives, so, contrastingly, great sex can suffuse our relationship with joy and contentment. Indeed, seduction should begin across all parts of our lives and culminate in sex that excites and bonds you both. Seeking greater pleasure in lovemaking is an exciting, infinitely variable, and tantalizingly diverse journey. It’s an adventure that will help you find out what drives your partner wild, and what leads you both to the deepest mutual satisfaction.
Once you start down this path you will need to adopt an openness to trying out some edgy and exciting new things. Along the way you will discover so much about your own sexuality and how far you are willing to expand your horizons – taking care all the while, though, to ensure that everything is consensual.
Ideas for sexy foreplay
So what are some ideas for you to try? There are the usual clichéd ones – which actually surprisingly few people bother to do. We’re talking about holding hands lots, saying each other’s name and doing romantic stuff that shows you care. Beyond that, try leaving love notes for your partner to find, calling them with suggestions for what hot sex you would love to have that night, kiss passionately each time you are about to part (hint: try also tugging on their bottom lip as spicy kissing foreplay) and touching them sensually but discreetly when in public. Out at a restaurant, it’s amazingly sexy for the woman to tell her man she’s not wearing underwear and for him to suck suggestively on her fingers.
When alone together, begin by taking sexy showers or having sensual baths. Set the scene with soft lighting, scented candles and mood music. Make foreplay last. Learn to give a great massage that is as deeply relaxing for a partner’s muscles as it is teasingly arousing – whilst holding back from getting too intimate too soon. We know that men normally reach orgasm much more quickly than women – but men will find that they can have much richer orgasms when they’re held off for a while..
Kissing should not just be mouth but all over a lover’s body. As well as obvious places such as the nipples and genitals, go for places that are not usual – try the neck, the ear lobes, the abdomen and the inner thighs. For some toe-sucking (aka shrimping) can be highly arousing and pleasurable both for the giver and receiver. Toes and feet are particularly sensitive because of the mass of nerve endings there are down there.
Oral sex play
Both partners should become expert at oral sex. There are endless articles on how-to best perform fellatio and cunnilingus. Two tips: first be a sucker as well as licker (though a flicking or lapping tongue on the frenulum or clitoris is hugely stimulating). It’s a whole new sensation for the woman to suck on the head of the penis, as if drawing more blood into it – and for the woman, for the man to suck gently on the clitoris. Second: be a hummer. And we mean actually humming or making a vibrating sound when he is in her mouth or whilst his lips are pressing on her vaginal lips.
Sex positions
Then there are any number of sex positions – the Lovers’ Guide has devoted a whole program to a wide range of sexual positions. Two points here: first that both partners love it when the woman takes charge and rides – cowgirl style – on top of the man. Make eye contact to fully connect with each other’s arousal. And you can further heat things up by having sex in front of a mirror – or filming yourselves. Second, there is ‘edging’ where partners bring each other to the brink of orgasm then back off and repeat. It began as technique to help men with premature ejaculation but actually works for both sexes. Fans of it love the sensation of repeatedly going to the brink and say that when they finally tip over into orgasm, the sensation is greatly magnified.
In most sexual relationships there should be no clearly dominant partner, but when sex play moves to BDSM there is a clear distinction between one being dominant and the other becoming the submissive partner. What separates this from domestic abuse is the emphasis on consent where either partner can call a halt by using a ‘safeword’, should things get too intense. The runaway bestselling book and film 50 Shades Of Grey brought this form of sex play to a wide range of people and sent sales of BDSM equipment – paddles, blindfolds, ropes, handcuffs and whips – skyrocketing. When practiced in a safe manner, it can bring a relationship to new levels of intimacy and excitement.
There is so much to discover when you and your partner decide to move your relationship onto a new level of adventure and excitement. It will bring a new level of sensuality to everyday life and an unlimited range of possibilities to what you can both enjoy in the bedroom. There are huge benefits to making a much greater effort to pleasuring your partner and enjoying being pleasured in return – not just in majorly transforming your sex life but in enriching all areas of your relationship.