Image from the Lovers’ Guide video download: Sexual Positions
Our partner’s sexual responsiveness convinces us we’re loved and that we’re a great lover. Take the sexual initiative and put yourself in control – for better loving and sweeter sensation for both of you.
There is no better way for a woman to enjoy sex – and to show her enjoyment – than by taking the lead. Aside from her own enjoyment, the message that taking the lead conveys to her partner is that she likes sex with him so much she wants it now — this very minute! If a woman enjoys sex and considers it important, there is nothing which better demonstrates this than taking the initiative.
Most men like to think of themselves as the dominant partner, at least most of the time, in their sexual relationships, and there are a few men who don’t recognise the value of swapping dominant roles with their partner at all. That’s one reason why it’s important that a woman should take the initiative some of the time. This doesn’t mean swapping roles completely and turning into the sexual ‘aggressor’ all the time. It means that sometimes the woman should make the first move and not leave it to her partner.
The chances are he’ll love this. It takes the pressure off him – and if it is usua11y he who takes the initiative it will quite simply make a change.
A couple’s sex life can all too often become stuck in the same old comfortable pattern. Nothing kills sex more effectively, however, than the feeling that it has become routine, that it is not as exciting as it once was – that it has become boring. Any change in the usual pattern of lovemaking is therefore a good thing.
So, if it is always your partner who initiates sex and who dictates the pace, surprise him. Take over!
Slow and easy
If you suddenly decide to take charge and spring the decision on him without any warning, he may be quite taken aback. Introduce the idea gently and gradually. Some men prefer to feel that they are in control, in which case he may feel threatened by anything which vaguely resembles any form of role reversal. A man who is used to doing things according to his own plan, rather than someone else’s, may feel surprisingly uncomfortable when things start to change.
Don’t be put off if he initially doesn’t seem to be responding the way you would like him to. It may take him a little time to get used to the idea, especially if you have had a sexual relationship for a very long time and in the past have always let him take the lead in sex.
Sexual encouragement
If this is the case, what he needs is gentle encouragement, not bullying. The last thing you should be in bed is bossy! You don’t need to be aggressive or pushy in order to take the lead. These are qualities that men rarely enjoy seeing in women anyway, but particularly if they are on the receiving end – and especially not in bed. They often, however, find it very flattering for a woman to suggest sex in an appropriate way. It can be exciting, too, for her to take over completely sometimes, to seduce him and to make wild, passionate love to him, instead of it always being the other way around.
Seduce your partner
There are lots of things you can do to set up a romantic seduction scene in as pleasant and unthreatening a way as possible. Try the old favourites – and worry ye not about cliché. A romantic, candlelit dinner always works well, accompanied by a delicious wine which will help to relax him and get him in the mood. Soft lighting and romantic background music are also classic accompaniments to a seduction.
If you’ve got a different time of day in mind, try breakfast in bed with champagne or a picnic for two at a secluded beauty spot. What man could resist that?
Foreplay techniques
Foreplay is often thought of as something that is primarily, even exclusively, the man’s concern – something that he has to do to please his partner and which prepares her for intercourse.
Contrary to what many people think, foreplay is just as important for men as it is for women. It may actually surprise some women to learn that most men both need and enjoy foreplay. It can help to achieve firm and lasting erections.
It is often assumed that the man does not need – or at least that he shouldn’t need – any stimulation of this kind. It’s a commonly held view that he is always ready for intercourse at a moment’s notice.
But this is not so. Many men need quite a lot of stimulation in order to become aroused. The older they get, the more likely this will be. Whether it is needed or not, they are bound to enjoy it. To assume men simply don’t need foreplay deprives them of a great range of sexual sensations which are quite different from those they obtain during actual intercourse.
Some men do not realise themselves what foreplay could add to their sexual responsiveness and enjoyment. Some are keen on immediate stimulation of their penis. If this applies to your partner, encourage him to spend more time on foreplay – simply to lie back, leave it to you and enjoy.
Seduction
The art of successful seduction lies in imaginative and creative foreplay. There’s no point in merely grabbing a man’s penis and hoping for the best – he’ll most likely be alarmed rather than stimulated.
Take your time and explore his body in as imaginative and sensitive a way as possible. Don’t hurry. Time spent giving pleasure is never wasted. There’s a lot more to successful foreplay than a man’s penis. The woman who understands this will stimulate many other parts of his body as triggers to his sexual satisfaction – mouth, ears, nipples, inner thighs, buttocks – just about anywhere, in fact, that he enjoys being touched with either hands, mouth or tongue. The potential menu for sexual ecstasy is infinite.
Stimulating the penis
Most women know instinctively how to caress, hug and kiss their partner. What often does have to be learned, though, is how best to stimulate his penis. This is one of the most valuable skills a woman can possess when it comes to pleasing her partner – and he is the best person in the world to teach her how to do it well.
Ask him to guide your hand and to tell you exactly what he likes best. This will all be much easier if you can manage to talk freely to one another. Your partner will almost certainly have masturbated – the overwhelming majority of men have and do on a regular basis – and he knows better than anyone what he finds most pleasurable. Ask him to share that knowledge with you and teach you his skills. It will be to both your advantage!
Woman on top
Woman-on-top sex positions require a very firm erection before penetration can take place, so foreplay is essential. These positions are particularly good for the man who likes to be seduced. He may actually find the idea that she is controlling and dominating him very exciting.
This way, the woman can take complete charge of the whole act of love, and can dictate the pace, movement and depth of intercourse. She can make circular movements with her hips during intercourse, which will vary the depth and so change the sensations that they both feel.
Most men really enjoy being the passive partner in this position. It is also an erotic sensation to feel the weight of your partner on top of you. It provides an alternative view of a woman, and from underneath the movement of her breasts as she moves around can be thrilling.
Get the view!
Woman-on-top sex positions allow for many variations. She can, for example, either sit upright, or perhaps lie full length on top of him. She can face him, or she can turn round and face away from him, in which case he’ll get a full view of her buttocks. For him, this is a good thing!
Another great advantage of woman-on-top sex positions is that they allow the effective stimulation of the woman’s clitoris during intercourse – either by her or by her partner. While it may take a while to enable the woman to climax in this position, the sensations for both parties are fantastic. The woman can control the depth of penetration as her orgasm approaches, and the man can feel the contractions of her vagina at the moment of climax.
Lie back and enjoy
Taking the lead in bed doesn’t necessarily depend on different sexual positions, however, or on the female partner assuming a dominant role. If you are used to being the dominant partner and calling the shots in bed, for you taking the initiative might mean asking your partner to be a little more assertive so that you can simply lie back and enjoy yourself.
Although you and your partner may decide that you do indeed have certain preferences, it is primarily a mental stance that makes switching roles so effective. Being dominant can be exhilarating for both of you. Everyone at some time likes to leave the decisions to someone else, and transferring this to sex is an effective and erotic surprise technique that should help make sex better.