Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors
Search in posts
Search in pages
Sex Problems

Sex Problems | My Partner Isn’t Able To Penetrate Me

Sex problems - erectile dysfunction - penetration

‘Hi. My problem is penetration. Me and my partner do long lovemaking. We both are fully excited but as soon as he tries to penetrate he becomes loose or sometimes even if he is hard he just can’t find where to penetrate? We have been trying for the last one and a half years nearly but still haven’t done intercourse. I am very upset. Please give medical advice.’

The Lovers’ Guide responds:

While the Lovers’ Guide does not give medical advice, as general advice, you or your partner could check that you are fully “open” to receive him with fingers just before he attempts to penetrate you.

If you ‘close up’ whenever he is fully hard and tries to penetrate, then this could be a case of vaginismus, where the muscles around the vagina contract. We have found that it is more common in virgins than has generally been recognised. Unless there is a physiological reason (which you should have checked by your doctor or gynaecologist), it is a matter of relaxing completely and letting him enter.

You could try using more and more fingers, yours then his, then maybe a dildo – always slowly and gently and always with lots of lube – or nature’s own lube, saliva.

When you say he ‘becomes loose’, we take it that you mean he begins to lose his erection. There may be a circle of problems developing here whereby because of early failure, both of you, though it’s neither’s fault, are now reacting to the situation in a way that isn’t helping. You’ll both have become quite anxious about trying to have sex, and that anxiety will be increasing the chances of his losing his erection and your clenching, if that is what is happening.

Another possible approach might be for you to be on top and, having opened yourself with fingers, guide his erection into you. You might find penetration easier like this – and then you will both be able to get used to the feeling of his penis inside you. Once you and your partner have gained confidence this way, you might find other ways of having sex easier.

We suggest going back to basics – hugging and kissing, massaging, mutual masturbation and oral sex. Rebuild your sex live s together without bothering with penetration for the time being. Leave it aside for months, even, while you have fun with everything else.

We hope that helps – and good luck.

Skip to content