The doggy-style sex position is my visual favourite, but my biggest fantasy now is about trying anal sex with my wife. What can I do to make this happen?
‘My wife and I have been married for five years and have a two year old. Our sex life has been fine, though, I suppose, reasonably conventional. Recently, though, I have been fantasizing more and more about wanting to have anal sex with her (visually I find the odd time we have ‘doggie’ position sex hugely arousing). It’s something I really feel I couldn’t actually ask her about – and I know she’d never fall for the “oops wrong orifice” approach – so do I have to keep this as a (maddening) fantasy or is there anything I could do to make it happen?’
Our reply:
If you’d like to try anal sex, you’re going to need to broach the subject first one way or another. It certainly can be a powerful fantasy and can be a deeply pleasurable experience, although you will need to bear in mind that anal sex isn’t to every woman’s taste, not by a long shot, and if the answer ends up being no, you’re going to have to accept that.
It’s worth considering why you feel you couldn’t actually ask your wife about anal sex. Is this because you know she’d say no? Is she a very conservative person, sexually speaking? Do you find it uncomfortable generally to talk about sex? If you can talk about sex in a relatively free and easy way, then you could work your way around to the subject of anal sex – to the point where you might feel able to pop this question.
One very good way of broaching the subject would be to watch the Lovers’ Guide feature Sexual Positions with your partner. You can talk about and try out the many positions you see – it can take a couple a good while to watch the whole feature! – and you’ll find that there is a section on anal sex positions. This would give you the perfect opportunity to ask if your wife would like to try anal sex – and you’ll have expanded your repertoire in other new directions besides!
Another way of beginning to broach the subject is to offer some anal stimulation while giving your wife oral sex. Gently caress her anus with a lubricated finger, or switch from cunnilingus to rimming her – and if she seems to like that you could suggest you try penetration. Of course, she might be wondering what the heck you’re up if you’ve never rimmed her before, but then you say you got carried away, that you love her ass, and you might find this too paves the way for more.
Should your wife decide that anal sex is something she’d like to try, then you’ll want to do as much as you can to make this a pleasurable experience for her. She might appreciate a more conventional orgasm first. Then use a lot of lube and a well-groomed finger to relax and open her up, then penetrate slowly. Now, while you obviously want to see your penis sliding in and out of her ass, it can actually be more comfortable, on the receiving end, to adopt a deep missionary position, face to face with her legs up – and this can also be more emotionally reassuring. Hug and go slowly at first – those first thrusts set the tone for the experience to follow. You can always switch to a doggy sex position when you’re both warmed up and ready to go guns. (And don’t then transfer your penis from her ass to her vagina, not without washing it thoroughly first – that way, thrush lies.)
Good luck. Hope she says yes. Don’t be too downhearted if the answer is no. You’ve still got your doggy-style vaginal sex when visual kicks are needed.