Orgasms shouldn’t have to be the goal of every sexual activity – but, let’s face it, mostly we would all like to come. And to come big and satisfyingly. You get naked and sweaty with your partner. Touching here. Caressing there. Kissing that. Licking this. You’re turned on and what you want is to achieve a climactic orgasm that feels like a mind-blowing release.
That said, not everyone experiences orgasms in the same way. While some of that has to do with our own desires, sexuality, needs, and wants, it also has to do with our anatomy and gender. Male and female orgasms are different for a variety of reasons.
Orgasms Vary According To Anatomy And Gender
A woman climaxes when her uterus, vagina and anus contract simultaneously between six and 15 times, so that a climax usually lasts for between five and ten seconds.
Men peak when they have about the same number of spontaneous muscle spasms, which start at the base of penis. This causes their testicles to tighten, their urinary tract to shut down and semen to be ejaculated at a speed of around 28mph. It turns out, though, that men’s orgasms are several seconds shorter than women’s.
Although the reasons are not completely understood, this may be because women’s orgasms are not as centred around their sexual organs and the spasms spread further through their muscles. And, from an evolutionary point of view, men’s orgasms may be over quicker because a swift ejaculation means more healthy sperm will make it into the female to fertilise her egg.
While most sexual pleasure begins in the mind, regardless of your genitals, the orgasm itself is pretty clear cut for the penis. Orgasms from a penis are so straightforward – vigorous stimulation results in an obvious spurt of ejaculate – no one questions the how or why of male orgasms. Female orgasms, on the other hand, are up for debate. Freud called vaginal orgasms the only legitimate ones while he relegated clitoral orgasms to being an “adolescent phenomenon”.
For female orgasms, there are a number of paths an orgasm can take. While vaginal orgasms are what we tend to see in porn, actually only around 25 percent of women say that they can consistently come from vaginal penetration. Most need clitoral stimulation to achieve climax. And, of course, some need a combination of the two.
Female orgasms aren’t one-size-fits-all. Add in G-spot or cervical stimulation, maybe a little nipple stimulation, and of course, our heads have to be in the game, and the road to female orgasm can be a long, winding path. Even more frustrating, for all of us, is that what works today might not work tomorrow.
People still debate the existence of the G-Spot – though the latest thinking is that what is being stimulated is really part of the clitoris – an organ much bigger than previously thought. Something that houses thousands of nerve-endings – way more than the penis, shouldn’t be such a mystery – but the clitoris is exactly that. Most people have no idea how much a clitoris, the whole clitoral organ, actually resembles a penis.
Female orgasms are clearly more complicated. Too many people ignore them, including vagina-owners themselves. We’re either taught that female orgasms are rare or impossible or that they’re unimportant. Sadly, some even believe that if they don’t climax from penetration alone, there’s something wrong with them.
On the other hand, for some partners, for the female to reach orgasm is akin to a merit badge. Did you make your woman writhe, scream, and shudder? Then, clearly, you’re a great lover! But it’s absurd that they’re an achievement for the partner “giving” the orgasm – not for the person having them.
Female orgasm isn’t the goal for enough male partners. When does sex stop for many people? When male orgasm is achieved. One ploy for avoiding this problem, as many people have found, is to spend time getting worked up first. Even to the point of coming prior to penetrative sex – she comes first. Not only does a female orgasm help ease the way for penetration, adding far more than lubricant but also building heat and desire, it also helps ensure that both partners end their sex session fully satisfied.
It’s no accident that it is amongst lesbian lovers that the highest incidence of female orgasms happen.
Orgasms, from any gender, can be amazing, beautiful, mind-blowing, sleep-inducing, stress-relieving things. To achieve them, it might be best to focus on our own experience and the experiences of our partners to find what ways and means best help us to come.