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Love And Relationship Issues

Single Men Are Putting Relationships Above Casual Sex

Are you single? Are you finding that casual sex just doesn’t have the same appeal as it did a year or two ago? If so, you are certainly not alone. And there is new data available to prove it.

Single men have radically changed their view of sex and relationships over the past couple of years. Just as millions have reassessed the value of their old jobs in the light of the pandemic and moved on, they also appear to be reassessing what is truly valuable in their private lives. According to the latest ‘Singles in America’ survey by the dating site Match.com, only 11 per cent of them now want to date for casual sex, with 89% saying that they were looking for deeper connections with something more rounded and long-lasting.

Men Are Leading In Wanting Relationships

And it’s men who are the ones leading the way. When asked whether they were ready to settle down with a long-term partner, nearly 50% of the male respondents said they were as opposed to only 29% of the women. So, it’s males who are seeking stability in relationships and, despite supposedly being the visually driven gender, are doing so even ahead of physical attraction.

According to Match’s chief scientific adviser, Helen Fisher, of the 30 different things people were asked about what they were looking for in a partner, traditionally, somebody physically attractive was always in the top five of desired attributes. Now, though, it is someone who can be trusted and confided in, someone who conveys their needs and wants – and responds to theirs, someone who is open-minded and someone who can make them laugh. The men do seem to have grown in emotional maturity, seeking more 360 connection with the persons they are now choosing to date.

Desire For Sex No Longer In Top Five Wants

Even actual sex itself is less of a priority. It could be partly because the more you have the more you want and, conversely, the less you have the less you want – and the pandemic has severely limited the hook up culture. The result of the survey showed that a whopping 85% of singles said that sex has become less important to them. Partially, Dr Fisher believes, lockdowns have resulted in dopamine and testosterone levels declining. So it’s believed that it’s biological as well as cultural influences that are causing men to be less interested in wanting to jump into bed right away.

Indeed, singles are spending more time browsing people’s bios on dating sites, rather than immediately swiping right because of looks. Some sites are allowing voice messages to be left so you can listen to a potential partner talking about themselves and, beyond that, a significant number of dating site users are now opting for having a virtual date first to decide whether they would then want to meet an interesting prospect in person. And people are going back to the old three date rule – or even more – before having sex together.

People Are Courting Longer, Marrying Later

It is also true that people are tending to marry later. The courtship process is taking longer, whilst people take time to find out more about each other. Again, this is demonstrating a greater degree of emotional maturity at work – and fits with the data that shows that the longer you date and the later you marry, the more likely you are to stay together. It used to be the case that many people would marry in their late teens or early twenties; now it is tending towards couples in their late twenties and early thirties.

So, the conclusion does seem to be that men are leading the move towards relationships over casual hook ups, with more emotional security and the likelihood of a longer-term committed partnership.

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