When anyone mentions role play, it’s quite often that bizarre and somewhat scary thoughts are conjured up. You picture yourself dressed up as a doctor about to administer an enema, or perhaps scouring the charity shops for weeks on end looking for something that resembles a seventies moth-eaten French maids outfit.
Thankfully, times have moved on somewhat and you don’t have to emulate dodgy eighties porn to give role play a try. The thing with role play – it’s a fantasy. Everything about it is made up and you don’t have to worry too much about what you or your partner find arousing.
If you find it easy to discuss that you might fancy a spot of role-play, then you’re unlikely to have any problems as you undoubtedly have an open and respectful relationship which means you are free to discuss your fantasies.
You need to talk about the roles that one or both of you would like to play and then set about fulfilling this fantasy.
Thankfully, the fact that it’s a fantasy means you can push some boundaries. Try not to pick roles that too closely resemble the regular sex roles you and your partner play out. As much as you can, be experimental, outlandish and above all, imaginative – this is a safe arena for you to express yourself sexually.
Fantasy sexual role play can be very exposing, which makes it both exciting and a somewhat daunting. Laying down ground rules is essential to creating a space that means you both feel safe and happy.
Some of these rules follow common sense and common courtesy, but in the confines of a loving relationship, you will come to establish rules that work for both of you.
Anyone can stop a scene at any time. Fantasy sexual role play can be intense, and it can bring up feelings that may be surprising. It’s important to remember that it’s a game, and the point is to have fun, and if either person isn’t feeling okay at any point they need to be able to stop everything and have their needs attended to.
Here are some questions to consider regarding ground rules and boundaries for fantasy sexual role play:
What kind of sex do you want to have? Are there some things you don’t want to do in a role play, or other things you would only want to do when dressed up as someone else?
How can you let your partner know if things aren’t going okay or if you need to take a break. Work out a sign or word that you can use to check in with each other.
How far are you willing to take the role play? Are you comfortable letting it flow without a set ending, or do you want to agree beforehand on how the scene will finish up?
If you’re feeling nervous or awkward with the idea of fantasy role play, but you’d like to try it, what do you need to feel more comfortable? Can you ask your partner for what you need?
If these questions make you anxious at all, or you feel like you can’t talk to your partner about these issues, fantasy role play may not be right for you at this time.
Getting to be someone else for a few hours, and have sex as these other people, can be an exciting experience, but in the end you need to feel good about the person you’re with after the clothes and fake moustaches come off.
Remember, it’s a fantasy. Try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of the roles you want to explore. Wanting to play a bank robber doesn’t mean you are one (or want to be one in real life). Feel the release by leaving reality at the door and see where it takes you – you may surprise your partner, and yourself.