Growing up gay as a young teen can be a lonesome prospect. Do the math and even in a big school there probably aren’t too many of us there and, of those, several might be struggling. Our Enlightened Times have a way to go yet. Issues, issues, issues – home, religions, other guys – even straight guys worrying over who they are sexually.
Chances are a young gay lad has soaked up a range of remote information. This might be through porn; it might be through sexual health sites; it might be through consumer magazines. Some of that is going to be good advice; other information is going to be a bit make-believe. (Think about why, for example, the asses on the bottoms on porn films are always already dilated and pink and clean.)
What, then, is the least you need to know going forward?
This piece is about sex. Sexuality is a spectrum. There is no cause to be pigeon-holed. There is equally no need to say you’re bi when you’re gay and no need to fully identify as gay when you’re bi. For some, part of the journey of youth lies in experimenting to discover your orientation.
We have posts in the gay section of The Lovers’ Guide addressing such issues as ‘Am I gay?’ and ‘Coming out’ – so do checkout the whole of that section for plenty of sound advice.
What are the basic things you need to know about gay sex?
1. Sex is what you make it – and anal sex isn’t compulsory
You don’t need even to think about heading to anal sex. A lot of gay people like anal sex, and many don’t. You don’t need to obsess about losing your gay equivalent of the hetero cherry – there are plenty of gay guys who have not been penetrated and never will be. Your sexual interactions are what you want them to be – and those can spread across quite a range.
Oral sex and shared masturbation might be top of your list, and more than enough to satisfy feelings of intimacy you’d like to share with a loved best friend. Chances are, you are probably so into him that kissing feels perfect and the whole of his body feels just great. Have a wank together. Give him a suck. Be turned on – why don’t ya?
When you’re with a guy you like, you get off on it. You’ve been how long without having gay sex, gay-sexual, and intimate relations with a boy you fancy? Let that burst of pleasure flow and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES think: ‘We ought to be doing this-that-or-the-other.’
You invent stuff. Play. Check each other’s body all over. Enjoy the thrill of feeling so aroused.
2. Okay: anal
Here is a quick list of things to do and not do:
Don’t say you’ve done it before if you haven’t – and don’t feel you have to if you don’t want to.
If you do, you might want to douche – to get clean like the porn stars. Check this Lovers’ Guide article on douching.
Use a lot of lube – go silly on the stuff, and make sure it’s condom-friendly. Check lube in our sex shop.
Get a towel down – no-one wants to worry about making a mess, and it’ll soak up the lube, which goes everywhere. If in doubt, use two. Or three. Or….
Check this Lovers’ Guide article: First time advice for gay anal sex.
Condoms are your friend. You do not want to be anxious having anal sex. HIV is still an issue. A decision to have anal sex without condoms depends upon absolute trust within an absolutely committed relationship. It’s no good if your best friend forever from childhood is also going out nights exploring with other men. Condoms keep you safe. They keep you safe physically, from HIV, and they keep you safe psychologically – because you’re taking care of yourself.
Explore gay sex positions. You might like to try doggy-style sex or – legs-up – try ‘missionary’. However, there is no need to fuck like you’re being filmed. This is for you, in intimate connection with your partner. Try things out and enjoy experimenting together. Never feel you have to perform. Do what you – and they – like.
3. The relationship side of things
Well again, it’s up to you. Many young gay men go out and experiment with strangers. You can see the advantages. You might think if you fluff it it’s no biggy. It’s just a bit on the side – left-field. It’s forgettable. You take whatever technical knowledge gained and you move on.
On the other hand, and you can see where we’re going here, mostly sex can be an awful lot better between friends and when feelings are involved. Not to say you’re making a commitment to go one-on-one – sex doesn’t do that and you aren’t boyfriends through sex alone. Better than that, it brings sex into the normal. Rather than sex being something different from you and ‘out there’, sex becomes a normal and healthy part of your best relationships. This way, you do get the love, and real joy and real pride. There is a self-worth bonus involved in this kind of coupling.
Go easy, and take care of your good self.
For more quick gay sex tips, you might like to take a look at this piece we’ve found on the internet.
And check out the whole of the gay Lovers’ Guide section – there is a wealth of good advice here.
Happy loving!