Mindfulness involves being in the moment, of accepting feelings and bodily sensations as they happen. We focus our thoughts onto what we’re sensing in the present moment and leaving aside past bad times or future worries. Using it in sex can be life-changing. Bringing mindfulness into how we have sex can lead to the most sensual experiences possible and result in the richest and most satisfying whole body orgasms.
What to do? Make sure your partner is entirely onside with this. Get them to read this guide. Or one of you could record it using their softest voice and play it quietly as you move into your mindful sex session. Start by sitting or lying facing one another either naked or in underwear.
Ensure your bodies are relaxed. Do a mental scan of each of your muscle groups. Drop your shoulders, soften your facial muscles and relax your jaw. Look deeply – though softly – into one another’s eyes. Check your breathing. Synchronize it with your partner’s breathing. Take deep breaths in through your nose, feeling the air filling the lungs deep to the diaphragm, then let it out slowly and fully through the mouth.
Notice if any distractions, old hurts or to-do lists come into your mind – let them float up and away. Mindfulness helps the brain lower stress by increasing connection with the are of the brain important to attention. And you will want to keep focusing your attention at this point on your partner and being present in this wonderfully sensual moment.
Being in the moment also means not being goal-oriented – or waiting to move on to a next stage. Don’t feel you need to be heading for an orgasm and let each stage evolve in its own time and at its own pace.
Inhale. Exhale. If your mind wanders keep coming back to your breath to center you. Keep looking into your partner’s eyes. Let you gaze enjoy their body, too.
When it feels right stroke each other’s faces with softness and love. Experience the tingling that will come with this first touch.
It may now be time to kiss. Let your lips come together and feel the sensation as they brush then join together – as if this were your first ever erotic kiss. Relish it. Breathe in your partner’s breath.
Allow the sensuousness to spread around your face and more widely into your erogenous zones. Nipples may begin to firm up and genitals to become aroused. Stay in the moment. Relish the pleasurable sensations and relax in the knowledge that everyone has the right to sexual pleasure. Let your breathing deepen – keeping you in the moment.
Allow this to lead to mutual touching. Caress each other in any way that feels good for both of you. If underwear is on, now may be the time to gently slide it off. If you feel any tightness or stress with any of this, stay at that point whist you soften those feelings and let them go. Bring your mind back into the moment, into the pure pleasure of being with your partner. Breathe.
Enjoy your partner’s body – as you openly allow them to enjoy yours. Allow yourselves only to be concerned with pleasure and connection. Take as long as you want to kiss and caress their body all over. Forget goals and even time itself. Be as one in wallowing in the wholly pleasurable sensations. Whisper to one another, communicating with love and openness.
As you open yourself up to sex – either as the one entering the other’s body or the one receiving – relish the feeling of merging your two bodies into one. Keep the breathing deep and rich. Avoid any rush to orgasm but go on keeping yourself in the moment. Again, soften any tightness, give yourself up entirely to the feelings. Let the motions go for as long as you both want and feel. Along the way connect again with your partner’s eyes – drink them into yours.
When you eventually relax into orgasm, it you are entirely in the moment, it should be the fullest, deepest and most full-bodied you have ever experienced.
Relish the afterglow in each other’s arms as fully and in the moment as you have along the way. Namaste – bow to one another’s sexual spirit.