Whether you are nervous about your body, your sexual technique, or even your relationship, sex is personal no matter how you look at it. Whether you’re into casual sex or need to be in a committed relationship to feel comfortable, it is something deeply intimate, so being nervous about it can come with that. You are far from being alone if you some times feel nervous about having sex.
If you’re self-conscious about your body, remember there is a reason this person is choosing to have sex with you. You hopefully feel comfortable around them and believe they won’t judge you. Plus, they are probably just thinking about how lucky they are to be with you. What really makes the difference here is confidence. Knowing that you are an amazing person that anyone would be lucky to be with will help you let go of hesitations and fears about your body.
Performance anxiety is common but can also make sex a nerve-racking time instead of what it should be, enjoyed by both people. If you are constantly worried that what you’re doing isn’t good enough, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy yourself. It can feel weird to talk so much in the moment, but it can make all the difference. Ask your partner what they like. Tell them to let you know if they don’t like what you’re doing so you can make them comfortable. Just as with many parts of a relationship, sex is also best with good communication.
We can’t avoid the fact that embarrassing stuff can happen during sex. There are a lot of body parts moving around that cause smells, sounds, and awkwardnesses. It is nearly impossible to avoid it, so instead own it. Yes, it is vulnerable to let someone see all of you, but it can also be freeing. And, a little bit of nervousness before sex is exciting in itself.
Whether you have had less than spectacular sex in the past or are just nervous about your attraction or chemistry with your current partner, that is normal. The first time you have sex with someone new, it is almost like you’re doing it for the first time all over again. You know the basics, but you don’t know your rhythm with this person, yet. Take it slow. Stop if you don’t feel comfortable. Talk about what feels good. Encourage your partner when they are doing something right, and steer them in the right direction if not.
What if you have never had sex?
If you’ve never had sex, there will always be some sort of nerves going into sex for the first time. Losing your virginity may not be the major big deal it once was, even 20 years ago, but it is a new experience for you. To reduce the stress and fear of the unknown, make sure your partner knows this is your first time. That can help them understand your mindset whether they have experience or not. Take things step by step. Talk about how you feel in the moment. Knowing that there is no pressure and that you are both doing this because you want to and are comfortable is vital to feeling safe and at ease before having sex.
For some, sex is just a physical activity while to others it is a symbol of love. Instead of feeling nervous before having sex that you don’t know what the outcome will be, talk about it. Before jumping into it, talk to your partner about what having sex means for both of you. Is this just something casual. Are their feelings involved? Is this strictly physical? Are you just friends or are you hoping for something more? That way you can both enjoy sex without the unanswered questions.
Nerves can make us over think and not enjoy ourselves. And sex is something that should be enjoyed. It should bring us joy, not anxiety. Hopefully, you can pinpoint what it is about sex that is making you nervous. If you can do that, you can try to convince yourself out of it or at least rationalize with yourself. Beyond that, if your nerves are drawn from the unknown, you could explore things it step by step with your partner. Sex should always be comfortable for both of you.
Try to turn whatever nerves you can’t fight into excitement rather than fear, so you anticipate it rather than worry. This will help you stop feeling nervous before having sex, at least a little.