Image from the Lovers’ Guide video download Sex Play
If masturbation has gone stale for you, follow these tips and you’ll get your levels of sexual arousal back to the right heights.
Barry (24): ‘Although I’ve masturbated since I was in my early teens, I find it less and less interesting and arousing. In fact, it’s got rather boring. Is there anything I can do about it?’
Tracy (23): ‘Of course, this is Barry’s problem and not mine, but I can’t help thinking that it could be one of the reasons that he doesn’t want sex much these days – and this certainly does affect me. Could I be of any help in all this?’
The Lovers’ Guide responds:
Before getting into the DIY side of things, it’s always worth taking stock of non-sexual areas of your life, both for you, Barry, as an individual and for your relationship with Tracy. Both of these can adversely affect your pleasure from masturbation and sex.
For example, have you been under a lot of stress over recent years? It could be that things have built up so slowly that you haven’t even noticed how bad they’ve got. Are you well physically? Perhaps a good place to start would be to go to your GP to have a check up.
On the relationship front, take a long look at how things are going between you as a couple. It’s often the case that underlying relationship dissatisfactions can be a very real cause for loss of pleasure. If you can’t get anywhere on this, a few sessions with a professional counselor might help.
Assuming that all these things are okay, the best thing for men with this problem to do is to go back to basics and start afresh with their personal arousal. Masturbation training on your own is the place to begin. Spend some time alone learning exactly what you like best when it comes to personal stimulation. Try new holds; use sex toys; masturbate with your penis covered with massage or scented oil or lube; experiment with stimulating other parts of your body while you masturbate. In all of this, take your time.
How about creating some new sex fantasies? Most men use fantasy when masturbating, but many say that their tried and tested fantasies lose their power over the years. Get a good book about fantasy or use erotic magazines or videos if they help. Try to build a new bank of really effective fantasies.
Over some weeks, try stopping and starting when you are aroused. Use the squeeze technique to make your penis go down and then re-erect it and repeat the cycle. The best way of doing this is to press very hard around the rim where the head joins the shaft with a thumb on one side and two fingers on the other. Over some weeks you should be able to control your erection and arousal both in your mind and your body, so that you can prolong your excitement for as long as you like before ejaculating.
Now it’s time to bring Tracy into the picture. Ask her to help you with fantasies of hers or yours so that you get used to having really high levels of arousal. She can then involve herself in your masturbation training, using the squeeze technique to control your orgasm just as you did alone. Within a few months, you should both be able to work as a team to produce really great orgasms for you, exactly when you want them.
Now you’ll be able to take your orgasm one step further. How about enhancing the quality and duration of your orgasms by trying entirely new games and methods of stimulation? For example, try acting out some fantasies that involve masturbation, if Tracy is happy with this.
You could also try masturbating using her body, if she likes it. Your penis can obtain highly stimulating sensations between her breasts, between her thighs, or almost anywhere you both find arousing. Or you can masturbate yourself to orgasm over a part of her. She might now like to rub the semen into her skin or you could use it as a lubricant on her nipples as you stimulate them and as she has her orgasm.
We’re sure that with this sort of investment as a couple you’ll be able to regain some of your old pleasures from masturbation. You’ll also probably find that it creates a new closeness as you work on this ‘project’ together.