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Sustaining A Loving Relationship

Face It: Sex Is Mostly Too Complex To Be ‘Just Sex’

Just sex? Casual sex - or not

Many times we want sex to be just sex – but there are many reasons why that just can’t be so. There is still so much more to sex than people may want to admit. As much as we’d like to hook up with every attractive person we see and never worry about it because we think that sex is just sex, we can’t. Because sex is a hell of a lot more than that, and try as we might, our human nature won’t let us forget that.

First off, sex always involves emotions. It’s not just some sort of fairytale that people can get really attached after having sex with someone. It’s actually science. When we have sex, there’s an overlap between the sexual desire part of your brain and the emotional love portion. So even though they’re technically separate emotions, your brain can process them as one because of this overlap. And for those of you who think that it’s mostly just women who experience this, you’re wrong. It’s exactly the same for men. No matter which way you slice it, sex is emotional, not purely physical.

Next, you can never undo having sex with someone. Even if you try to forget it, it still happened and it can have a lasting impact. That’s one more person to whom you’ve opened up and have been vulnerable with – one more person who has seen more of you than most. This can have an impact on us for many years, even if we didn’t feel we’d formed an emotional attachment to that person at the time.

You still form a deep connection with the person you’re sleeping with. You can’t say that it’s just sex when you’re getting that real and vulnerable with someone else, no matter what your relationship is like otherwise. Even if it’s just a friend and the two of you are having “just sex” for fun, you still form a different connection with them than what you may have had before. You’re reaching them on a different level, and in no way can you constitute that as something as unimportant as just sex.

Only human – sexual insecurities

As human beings, we’re driven to find three things: food, shelter, and someone to mate with. Our DNA has hardwired how important sex is into our brains, and therefore, it simply can’t be as unimportant as the term “just sex” suggests. So sex isn’t something to be taken lightly. That’s why our parents spend so many awkward moments with us trying to drill that very idea into our minds.

It’s not just a big deal because society says it is, either. It’s a big deal because of everything that’s involved in having sex with someone. The emotion, the connections, the risks, and the mere fact that you want it to be with someone respectful all factor into each sexual encounter, whether you realize it or not.

Insecurities can come out when you have sex. And this can affect you for a while even after you’re done having sex. How the other person looked at you when you took your clothes off or if you just felt insecure when on top of them, it can make a big difference in our lives. Sex sometimes highlights your insecurities because you get completely real and naked in front of someone else, and there’s nothing to hide behind

And certainly no-one calls it “just sex” when they’ve ended up with a baby nine months after the fact. Those people usually aren’t able to say it’s just sex due to the magnitude of the impact it has had on their lives. Pregnancy is important. Sex also comes with the risk of STDs. Some STDs can be cured easily, while others pose quite a bit more harm. If you end up having sex with someone, even as a one-night-stand, and get an STD as a result of that fun, you can’t go telling your friends that it was “just sex.”

As much as we may want to have ‘just sex’ with others, there is actually always going to be more involved with it than that – however much many of us may want to ignore that.

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