Gay men’s first encounters with other men’s erections can be strange and complex experiences. There’s excitement. You’ve got there. You’ve got him stripped to his intimate, naked self. He’s upright and hard just for you, his excitement obvious and visible. There’s also the shock of reality. A real live here-and-now erection can look rather different from the air-brushed, softened and sanitized fantasy. The colour and texture of his cock and balls may appear more extremely different from the surrounding skin than you’ve been able to imagine it. The reality might throw you. And then, amidst this shock, there’s the need to perform.
How might you begin to prepare? A few tips are obvious. Make sure there is real emotional intimacy between you, that it isn’t a random or desperately sought encounter – anything to lose your V. His nakedness then will seem more clearly right and unthreatening. It will be the obvious next thing, and not a false move. You’ll be able to be open with each other as you become more aroused. Be sure as well that your inexperience is known by him – and his experience or otherwise by you. You both need to know where you stand, the better to support each other. Don’t rush things. Take your time – lots of foreplay – to enjoy and get to know each other’s body. Go step by step, touch before sucking, and only go as far as you want to. You can do more later, but can’t take back what you’ve already done.
This, perhaps, is a lot to take in already – and already suggesting, perhaps, that a sexual encounter is a very big deal. Don’t let your ideas about sex get all out of proportion, but take a little time to think things through before having sex.
On your own there are ways you can develop your sense of sexuality and of what you’ll be finding when you and another boy first get naked. Most of the body’s skin you’ll already have seen – say, at the local pool – and you’ll no doubt have seen a range of flaccid penises. So far, so no issue. But when they’re erect, as we’ve said, they look different.
One question to ask is this: How aware are you of your erect penis when you’re masturbating? Do you tend to forget your own body, including your cock and your moving hand, while the mental cinema screen takes over? Or do you dwell on the texture, the physicality of wanking, and the look and shape of your penis? If it’s more the former than the latter, try stopping and slowing yourself down every once in a while. Move deliberately slowly. Tease yourself. Explore the available sensations. Think about what you could do with it. Having sex can be something of a marriage of fantasy, physical feeling and practicality. Bring these various aspects together on your own and you’ll be more ready, more confident, when it’s you and another boy.
Pornography can be a great way of exploring your fantasies. There’s plenty available for free on the internet, though you’d be well advised to block pop-up windows before beginning to explore. Bear in mind that porn is for the viewer, though there’s nothing wrong with that, and in this sense isn’t about ‘real’ sex, which is for those taking part – but allow yourself to look and register the models’ erections, and think of them, other men’s erections, when you play with your own. You’ll come more fully to associate the feelings you’ve so far experienced with other people’s arousal and nakedness.
Never feel guilty or somehow less of a man for wanting cock – wanting to see it, hold it, have it inside you. Accept and enjoy those desires. And when you feel you’re ready to act on them, take the time to enjoy it. If you’ve prepared yourself a little, you’ll be confident enough to make the most of your first experiences.