He’s hot, you’re not. You’re compatible, but somehow your penis isn’t so keen. If you’re the one with the low libido, don’t think of this as a terrible, insurmountable problem you need to deal with on your own, but recognise it will be a relationship issue, to be dealt with within the relationship and with the support of your partner. Here’s how to get your sex-drive back on track.
Now, before discussing the subject, you can certainly spend time thinking it through and considering possible approaches.
Douching is the practice of cleaning the bowels some time prior to sex by filling them with water then expelling that water. It is a way of ensuring the rectum is clean, which some men prefer when having anal sex.
Looking back, many men who identify as gay know they’ve been so for as long as they remember. When they found the word gay and applied it to themselves, no matter how or at what age this happened, they found their whole lives suddenly clicked into place. They were different, sensitive, subtly removed from the majority. Now they knew why. Had they then asked themselves the question, ‘Am I gay?’ the only honest answer would have been, ‘Yes. I am gay.’
Q. I have hair on my stomach and chest and I want to get rid of it. A lot of my friends say I shouldn’t: It’ll just grow back, I’ll get spotty and stubbly, and, anyway, it’s part of being a man. But I hate it!
Q. I keep ending up in bed with people I really like and who I want to impress, only to find myself impotent. I blame the booze, but if it weren’t for having fun with them for hours in the bar I wouldn’t be in bed with them…What can I do?
Q. This may sound like a really stupid question, but am I gay? There’s a girl at work that I get on really well with, but just recently I’ve found it difficult to say goodbye to her after drinks out, or I’m thinking about her more than I should.
Gay men’s first encounters with other men’s erections can be strange and complex experiences. There’s excitement. You’ve got there. You’ve got him stripped to his intimate, naked self. He’s upright and hard just for you, his excitement obvious and visible. There’s also the shock of reality. A real live here-and-now erection can look rather different from the air-brushed, softened and sanitized fantasy. The colour and texture of his cock and balls may appear more extremely different from the surrounding skin than you’ve been able to imagine it. The reality might throw you. And then, amidst this shock, there’s the need to perform.
It’s easy enough to see why homophobia exists, and why homophobic bullying happens. People bully. They want the excuse. They want something, someone to get at, to make feel bad, because that’s a quick fix to make them feel bigger, because they feel small. A lot of men become trapped in lives insufficient to give scope for all their potential to blossom. The pack-mentality sets in. If they can exclude someone else and seal themselves up against difference they’ll feel safer. Sexual difference is particularly charged because sex has been the part of our lives most strictly policed for millennia. It’s to do with insecurity and a failure of imagination. Homophobes don’t want to feel like life’s victims so they victimise someone else.
True: the only sure way of never catching anything is only ever to have sex in one-on-one relationships in which both partners are 100% faithful and both have been tested – and cleared or cured. If that doesn’t sound like you, it’s worth knowing what’s out there.
Your sense of smell is up there, though differently, with sight as a sense that leads straight to the meat – and the heart – of the matter. It’s primitive. Using smell to heighten libido is one sure way of getting with nature’s (gay) program.