We all have our memories of past relationships, which in one way or another weren’t meant to be and didn’t work out. It may be that at the time, the break-up was terribly painful, especially if we did not want the relationship to end, if we were indeed in love and we got dumped. It may be things were rather more casual than that, the relationship more easy-come, easy-go, and never really a settled thing, into which we poured our love and hopes and dreams.
The end of a relationship can be anything from a messy divorce to just not arranging the next date. Our memories may continue to sting, or perhaps are more bitter-sweet. What we would like to ask you here is to share your memories, and to reflect on the process of breaking up. How did it happen? What were the circumstances? What did he or she or you do and say?
‘I was flattered and amazed when I met him. I was with friends in a bar and he was making it really obvious he thought I looked great. We had a whirlwind romance, having sex from the first night, and I really thought this could be it. I started planning a future – we could live our lives together. There were warning signs I should have seen. We didn’t have much in common, though, and there weren’t any of his interests I particularly wanted to get involved in. Work was irregular and I was stressing a lot. One very big deal was that I couldn’t get to sleep when in the same bed as him, and I got bored just lying there, though he wanted to hug all night. Anyway, he came round one morning – it was even on the day I’d resolved to try harder – and said he’d made a decision and that was it. I haven’t tried to have a relationship since then.’
You can email your stories to YourLG@loversguide.com, and we’ll publish them here, anonymously, so that others may share your experience, and to help us all reflect on our relationships, both in the past and those ongoing. It may be that, as we acknowledge the potential fragility of people’s relationships, we draw closer to our loved ones, understanding what we have as precious.
When we do break up with a person we’ve loved, the experience can be devastating, and it can be difficult to move on and learn to love ourselves again. We can feel hollowed out, wounded and empty, as if a piece of who we were has been wrenched out of us. From the outrage and initial denial, there can be a whole process of grieving to get through, very similar to the stages of grieving a death. That can take a long time – and it can take a far longer time before we might start finding some good memories about the relationship.
Perhaps we might come to ask why a relationship failed. Were you just incompatible? It might be there was some manner of problematic behaviour, drugs, maybe, or alcohol, staying out and not keeping in touch, or other, sexual acts of unfaithfulness. Perhaps, once the first flush of sexual attraction passed, there weren’t enough interests shared, or ideas about lifestyle or future plans were incompatible. Perhaps some externalities got in the way, life moved on and you were carried off with it in different directions. Perhaps it was only ever meant to be a fling, and not taken too seriously. Let us know why you thought it went wrong.
Perhaps too there is some memento you keep of a past relationship. It might be a gift, or a song you shared. Perhaps there is a place that especially recalls the relationship. Perhaps there is an interest you adopted at the time, because it was his or hers, and that now reminds you.
How do you remember – and what do you keep of your past loves? How did the break-up happen?
For inspiration, you might wish to visit the website of The Museum Of Broken Relationships: https://brokenships.com/en
Share your stories. Email: YourLG@loversguide.com