The sex is great, the wet patch is horrible! Help!

It's great sex, but as for the wet patch...A partner who gets really wet when you’re having sex, or who enjoys female ejaculation, can be a blessing and make for a vibrant sex life. Some men, however, can worry. Advice is given.

I have a new girlfriend and she’s really great, fun to be with, sunny personality, interesting, clever and so gorgeous. Yes I think I am falling for her. But there’s one thing I am having a real problem with – when we have sex, she makes such a mess of the bed. I’ve had girlfriends before and am very used to a ‘wet patch’ but this is soaking. And it’s really putting me off. How can this be when everything else is so wonderful?

Our reply – Have your say in the LoveSpace forums:

Hmm. It sounds as if you’re almost blaming your girlfriend for being a woman who gets really wet when she’s having sex, whether through her natural lubrication or through female ejaculation – or just by wetting herself, which some people do. Are you really suggesting that this is incompatible with her being so interesting, clever and gorgeous? Is her witty repartee somehow denigrated? Is her IQ, what, a blind to the terrible reality? Is her sunny personality truly besmirched with cloud?

Or: do you just need to deal with the wet patch, practicalities regarding? So maybe… put down a towel?

What seems fairly clear is that this is something bothering you and isn’t bothering your girlfriend one bit. Perhaps, practicalities aside, these ‘gushing orgasms’ strike you as unusual. Well, lose those ideas about what’s usual. Repeat to yourself the mantra: ‘Every woman’s different. Yippee!’ Your current partner just happens to gush a lot. That’s a part of who she is and, in her case, is part of the whole sunny, clever, interesting package. Surely you can love this aspect of your girlfriend along with everything else about her?

Have you asked if you can put down some towels when you’re having sex? Maybe to ask that you do would strike you as a bit rude – because you’re still thinking of her getting really wet as a criticism. Lose the thought that the wet patch is somehow ‘wrong’ and just suggest it could be a good idea to put a towel down. You could even stock up on some special, luxury towels that you use for having sex and feel great against the skin for both of you. She might think it’s a bit cute that you do want to sanitize your sex play, but that’s fine: you’re her boyfriend; you’re allowed to be a bit cute and have your own little funny ways.

As for the whole issue of female ejaculation – if that’s what it is and she isn’t just producing a lot of her own lubrication, which should, by the way, feel great – there are studies that suggest it is a case of women peeing around the time they experience orgasm, and there are studies that suggest female ejaculation is different from urine, comprised largely of prostatic fluid from the female equivalent of the prostate gland, the para-urethral glands. Either way, and we’re not that bothered, female ejaculation has been associated with wonderful experiences of arousal and orgasm, and to many is something to celebrate, as it should be: it is part and parcel of many women’s experience of great sex.

If the wetness were bothering her, we could suggest going to the loo just before having sex, to empty the bladder, and this would help in some cases. However, our firm belief is that the wetness can be a real joy and is certainly nothing to worry about. Once again: put a towel down.

Posted in Sex, Sex Q&A