Sex and the exotic

The sexual mysteries of the east, for the westerner, should by now long since have been exploded. We see that by imagining ourselves in the roles of Arabian, Japanese and Indian lovers, we are pursuing our own need for a sense of the exotic and doing little more than parody those cultures. But still we do like that sense of the exotic, which you may not find any more prevalent in modern day Delhi, Tokyo or Baghdad. Sex should feel a little mysterious. Sex is mysterious – and you can certainly draw on your sense of the exotic, or foreign, to create a luxuriously sensual sexual experience.

Start with what you think you know about those cultures you perceive as oriental or otherwise exotic. What imagery most appeals? What aspects of sensuality do you feel those other cultures have, which you see as being missing from your own?

Chances are, they’re available now in the supermarket or the high street shops.

Is it the smells? Try rich, spicy cinnamon potpourri . Use aromatherapy oils, vapourised on a burner, to fill the room. The rank, luxuriant scent of exotic flowers creates a scene and a space for, well, exotic sex. Buy them in.

Or is the visuals? Make-up, clothes and furnishings? Do you crave rich tapestries – or a clean, lean Japanese look? You can probably find all you need within a ten mile radius. Create a room to make love in – exactly as you want it to be. Why settle for anything less?

Is it the taste? If so, you might buy in from a local restaurant or choose a few good recipes and create your lovers’ feast.

Touch? Find that texture. Sound? A good record store should be able to help. Never mind the imitation of any particular culture. Unless you know that culture from within, the mimicry will at best be just that. Think instead about the details of the scene you want. This isn’t a foreign clime: this is you.

Now, you have your clothes and your props and your room for loving. But it’s the attitude, the ways of imagining sex, which is most important. And, as above, here we can launch ourselves into the realm of fantasy.

Describe to yourself and to each other the perfectly sensual lovers you imagine. Tell each other how such lovers behave. What should the perfect lover do – which is perfectly sensual? Tell each other stories about your most exotic sex fantasies. Then prepare to be what for you and your lover is exotic and sensual.

Don’t rush towards penetrative sex. Combine fantasy with role play. Let yourselves giggle at first – it may well be you need to do that, through quite understandable nerves. Then the giggles should fade and you’ll feel confident and ready to explore.

Relish the scents you’ve brought into the room. Feed each other the food. Perhaps place it on each other’s bodies. Dance to the music you’ve selected. Dance for each other. Brush the exotically textured fabrics on each other’s skin. Play at being your perfect screen idol. You might find there is a sense of exotic ritual about such foreplay as this.

Above all, this is your way of exploring and expressing your whole potential for sensuality – no matter the everyday culture to which you might conform elsewhere in life.