Problem: ‘I have a small penis.’

Worried that you have a small penis? This advice should help reassure you – both that you're probably perfectly normally endowed, and that, no matter the size of your penis, you can still be a fabulous lover.

Frank (32): ‘Ever since I was a teenager, I have been worried about having a small penis. I saw other guys’ penises in the changing room and they all appeared to be much bigger than mine. My girlfriend doesn’t say anything, but I expect she’s just being nice to me.’

Alice (34): ‘I wish Frank would stop going on about his damned organ. However much I reassure him I like it he still doesn’t feel good. It’s getting past a joke now. What can we do?’

The Lovers’ Guide replies:

Penis size is a real hang up for some men. Because we live in a ‘bigger-is-better’ society, many men assume that to have a larger penis means they’re a better lover and will be more valued by women in general and their partner in particular. Of course, this isn’t the case, but some men can take a lot of convincing.

A major problem with all this is that men’s penises are very different sizes when limp. Of course, their feet and hands are different sizes from other men’s too, but this doesn’t appear to matter as much. Unfortunately, the vast majority of men have never seen another man’s penis erect and so assume that the difference in un-erect size is even more accentuated when erect.

In fact, almost exactly the opposite is the case. Whatever a man’s un-erect penis size, once it is erect it will usually be much the same size as other men’s. It’s also the case that a man might think he has a small penis because when he looks down on his own penis there is an optical foreshortening effect which makes the organ appear smaller than it really is.

The next common problem is that many men believe that a bigger penis is better for their lover in some way. True, some women like a somewhat thick penis because it stretches their vaginal opening enjoyably, but few like sex with a very long penis because it hurts deep inside. In fact, women do ask how to cope with a long penis because of the pain. This is especially the case if the woman is small in stature and her guy very tall.

Having said this, Alice isn’t complaining about your ‘small’ penis. On the contrary, she thinks it’s perfectly okay. It might be that you’ve got other problems with sexual or social confidence. If this is the case, and you’re blaming your penis for other, unrelated issues, it might be a good idea to try a bit of one-to-one therapy or counseling to sort those issues sorted out.

One response we get from men who watch the Lovers’ Guide videos is that they’re relieved to see real erections – which aren’t those massive entities wielded by those who are chosen, because of their unusual size, to star in porn movies. They’ve never seen them before, and have previously only had a damagingly misleading view of the average penis size – which is about five to six inches, if you are white.

You, Frank, might also wonder why Alice hasn’t told you about other human-sized penises she might have encountered, similar in size to yours. Well, do you really want to go into the details of each other’s sexual history? Of course, most likely, she wouldn’t. For a start, she might know that this could make you even more insecure, leading you to think that she might be comparing you with former lovers.

Trim your pubes, which makes your penis look bigger, then take a look in a full length mirror, so you’re not getting the foreshortening effect. Looks better now? Bet it does.

We hope these comments will reassure you a bit. Remember, no matter your penis size, there are many, many ways to be a great lover.

Good luck.