Me and my boyfriend were both virgins and have just had sex for the first time. Although it was a little bit painful when he entered me, it was bearable. The only problem is that my perineal area was very sore and was wondering if this is just due to our inexperience? Do I need to tell him to be more careful or is there actually a problem if it hurts there? Is there anything I can do to stop it hurting so much?
The Lovers’ Guide replies:
Thank you for your message. This is probably just because of friction and it might be that you’ll find using a little extra lubrication will ease the problem. It could be, perhaps, that you were a little nervous and so were not quite fully aroused yourself – this meaning that you might not have been as open to his penis as you might be and also not so fully self-lubricating.
If this is the case, you could experiment with using extra lubrication – combined with plenty of foreplay – while you both gain confidence. In the meantime, you could certainly ask him to be quite gentle while you both explore ways of having sex – and perhaps make some adjustments to the angles of penetration. We certainly don’t want painful early experiences of sex putting you off lovemaking.
It could also be that you are worried about other issues – pregnancy, for example. Even though you are using contraception, such worries can still linger and may inhibit arousal. You’ll need to be fully aroused prior to having full, penetrative sex.
Finally, it’s only fair to expect a little fumbling on your boyfriend’s part. Don’t criticise – but don’t be afraid either about making suggestions as to what you would like.
It is unlikely that there is any other problem than this. A little soreness after sex is not unusual, especially after quite vigorous lovemaking, but there shouldn’t be particular pain.