Remember when your relationship was full of loaded glances, hours of bed rumpling frivolity, sensual dinners and luxurious baths together? Are you still lucky enough to be in that state? If so, congratulations – and you’re a lucky person. If not, there’s no need to worry.
The nature of relationships generally means that carefree utopian frivolity cannot last forever or else, as a race, we would get little done. However, re-igniting passion in a long-term relationship is all about reminding and recreating these initial feelings, and allowing each other the moments of reckless abandon that you enjoyed during your initial courtship.
Having sex with the same person in the same positions, in the same bedroom will get boring, regardless of how much you love each other. This does not indicate the end of the road of passion. With a bit of preparation and imagination, the trust and confidence that you and your partner have built up over the years, coupled with a mutual sense of adventure, can result in some of the most exciting sex you have ever had.
The secret is spontaneity and diversity. Over the years it is easy to slip into a routine that generally involves kids or careers and often leaves little time to maintain your own personal sexuality. If lust is not nurtured then it can become dormant. Now is the time to shake the bed sheets up a bit and work together towards your ultimate goal; better sex.
Make a date
Set aside one or two nights a week when you get a babysitter or clear your social calendar so that you can designate some time to being alone as a couple. Often it is better to get out of your familiar environment and do something different together: have a romantic dinner at a favourite restaurant, or try somewhere new.
Use this time to talk to each other about what may be on your mind. Avoid talking about the kids or work and concentrate on opening up, discussing what’s on your mind and chatting about where you see the relationship going on both an emotional and sexual level.
If you do have children, arrange for them to be out for the whole night so that you can have some time alone to use the other rooms in the house for sex without fear of noise control or unexpected interruptions.
Recreate the anticipation, tension and flirtation that you had on your first date by arranging to meet at a wine bar or restaurant as strangers. You could even book separate tables so that one of you could ask the waiter to send over a drink with a note asking them to join you.
Flirt outrageously with one another. If you are feeling particularly frisky, you could mention that you neglected to put any undies on. Alternatively drop something and ask them to retrieve it. As they dip under the table, do a Sharon Stone (or the male equivalent!) to show them your lack of…inhibitions. When the evening comes to a close, slip off to a B&B to make the rendezvous even more illicit and exciting.
Take it in turns to really pamper one another. Begin by running a hot scented bath for your partner. Soap them down and wash their hair and body thoroughly before drying them off with some clean fresh towels. They shouldn’t have to do anything.
Lay them down in a warm setting with some soft candlelight, soothing music and scented oils to stimulate all the senses. Give them a full body massage and, when they are thoroughly relaxed, make it gradually more erotic. Linger on certain areas, using your mouth and hands to kiss and caress them.
Many people complain that their sex lives have diminished because their partner has become too familiar over the years. One partner taking a bath while the other is sitting on the loo is rarely conducive to a night of erotic passion. It’s time to set up some privacy boundaries.
Keep the bathroom as a one-person room, with the exception of course of the bath or shower. Some couples even prefer to undress and dress alone. Many people value their personal space so that feelings of invasion can be frustrating and have a negative impact on your sex lives.
By spending less time crowding each other’s company, and re-establishing each others mystery, the time that you do spend together on an intimate basis will be much more valuable and sexy.