Orgasm issues: sex positions and orgasm

A range of great sex positions is one thing, but female orgasm can be hindered when your partner just can’t stop switching things round. Advice is given.

Help me out on this. I have been with this guy for, oh, nearly a year now and we really seemed to have our mojos working. Somehow, though, the more comfortable he has become with me, the more he keeps changing position – so he’s on top, I’m on top, he’s taking me from behind, he’s got my legs over my head… Now when this started, it was great: I loved ringing the changes. Problem now is I’m just getting into that, you know, rhythm (women will know what I mean), when you’re getting close to that big ‘O’ and he shoves me into a different position and I instantly go off the boil. Sometimes it just goes on till I get sore then I fake an orgasm to end it. I did once mention this to him and he said it was the only thing that stopped him coming too soon – but it’s preventing me coming at all. Please help.

Well, your partner certainly sounds eager to please (if, in practice mostly himself), and it’s good that he can tell you he’s concerned about coming ‘too soon’ (though this, again, may be more thinking of himself than you). It’s a classic case really of different needs and finding some way for things to work best for you both. Mostly that means you helping him get to the point where he is actually pleasing you whilst not wrecking his sexual pleasure.

First off, though, stop faking your orgasms right now – because that’s only going to make him think he is doing the right thing. Many women have resorted to finishing off having their orgasm in the bathroom afterwards (while he sleeps); a better is to practice “the lady comes first” approach – so that you achieve your orgasm in foreplay before you have penetrative sex. He can give you oral sex or you can use your hands together pleasing you – or try using a sex toy to get you really warmed up. You’ll feel more satisfied, the intense feelings from penetration will be heightened and you may well then find it easier to cum again during sex.

Carrots are always better than sticks, so use positives to get what you want from sex. When you’re in a position you really like and feel you’re close to orgasm, that’s the time to tell him that what he’s doing is great and to keep it going just like that. You could also try positions such as the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) which allows great clitoral stimulation for you but won’t be so strongly stimulating his penis. Again, use your fingers or a vibe to give yourself clitoral stimulation while you’re having sex – encourage him to wear a cock ring with a built in clitoral vibrator.

As for slowing him down, this could be as easy as his having an orgasm first a short while before sex. Depending on his usual refractory period, this could be just as long as the foreplay you could do with before he penetrates you. In practice, it can kill some men’s sex interest – they’ve cum so it’s all over for them till next time. A better way forward may be for you to use giving him oral sex as a chance to help him get more in tune with his sexual response cycle and learn to control himself more as he’d like. Bring him to the brink then hold off. See how long you can keep him blissfully at the ‘plateau’ stage. Let him feel he doesn’t have to distract himself by running through every sex position he can think of (or thinking of the utility bill or mutilated pets) in order not to cum too soon.

If the relationship is worth it, stick with it, too. Sounds to us like he is comfortable enough to have got to the ring-the-changes stage but actually is still getting over-excited; time itself is on the side of your training sessions and should dull his hair trigger…

And for those instances when he still does cum before you’re ready, take over and bring yourself to orgasm. But don’t skulk off to the bathroom. Do it in front of him. He can lend a helping hand if you’d rather, or just watch – he should love to watch you masturbating, and might even learn a thing or two!

Posted in Female Orgasm, Sex