Good oral sex for him is about lubricant, staying power and general gusto – knowing his partner loves giving him oral as much as he loves receiving it. There’s the visual appeal of seeing his penis slide in and out of his partner’s lips. And, just as for women, oral sex is an intimate, tender experience. It’s about the trust and love that give him the confidence to feel free to relax and enjoy.
You might begin with a deep slurp on his penis, give him a moment to enjoy that sensation, then look up, catch his eye and smile again. The visual appeal of your lips should arouse him more. Look up as you suck him. Even if he has his eyes closed, he’ll find it incredibly sexy to open them and see you looking up at him.
Men, if you choose to, close your eyes and fantasize, slip into your sexual role, find in your imagination the sort of lover you feel yourself to be today – or simply enjoy your physical feeling. You can express your sensations and feelings to your partner in any way you wish.
You can choose to ask for what you’d like most, perhaps for your partner to lick your balls or the whole length of the penis, or run her hand around your balls, perineum and anus. There’s no need to expect her to guess what you’d most like. It’s precisely because sex is an expression of intimacy, love and trust that you can say what you would most like your partner to do – both when you’re giving and when receiving oral sex. Just how much you say is up to you.
Some men like a more vigorous approach to oral sex, especially as they become more aroused. He might indicate that’s what he would like by, for example, pushing his penis upwards. If he would like a faster pace, then a great way of doing this is for the woman to use lubricated hands as well as her mouth. She can use her mouth to keep stimulating the head of his penis while her hands work the shaft. She can also use her hands to direct the head of the penis towards the throat or cheek.
Don’t think of the penis as a single thing. It is a complex structure. There can be quite different sensations from licking and lightly sucking around the glans, across the urethra, across the frenulum, around the base of the glans, and around the inside of the foreskin, if the man has one.
The frenulum is a highly sensitive area. This is the little ridge of skin just below the urethra, on the front. The inside of the foreskin, the mucosal membrane, on uncircumcised men, is said by some to be the most sensitive area of the penis, more so even than the glans.
By varying sensation, taking all these different areas in turn, you can tease out and heighten his arousal.
Lick up and down the shaft so he can feel the whole length of the penis being stimulated. The lightest touch can make quite an impression here. Combine this with running a lubricated hand around his glans.
Massaging his balls can boost the feeling of erection, deepening the sense of inner pressure – especially scrunching them gently upwards. Licking and sucking them tends to shift the sense of pleasure away from the penis. There’s less of a sense here of pushing towards orgasm. And teabagging – dangling the balls into your partner’s mouth – can also be a treat.
When the woman goes ‘around the world’ on her partner, licking along the perineum to the anus, the feeling depends on how much pressure is being used. It’s important to consider safer sex practices with any anal sex play
Lick the perineum with a lot of pressure and there’s a boosted, fuller feeling – closer to that which spills over in orgasm. Pushing on the perineum at the point of orgasm can make the orgasm more intense. With lighter licks, the sensation at the surface is more noticeable – That sense of inner pressure is lessened. For even more intensity, you may like to try prostate stimulation – but only do this if both partners are willing.
Deep throating the man – taking his penis far back in the mouth – is a visual treat and does feel great as well. You don’t need to keep doing it. One or two deep slurps can be treat enough for any one session. If the woman finds she’s gagging, yawning and tipping the neck back can help. Deep throat, though, really isn’t essential. Indeed, many men say they prefer having the head sucked to anything else.
Bear in mind that a lot of men don’t come through the oral part of oral sex alone. They need more vigorous stimulation if they’re to let themselves tip over into orgasm. If that’s you or your partner, make sure the hands are as active as the mouth during oral sex. Alternatively, switch to masturbation towards the end, or have full intercourse so that you can come together.