Strange as it may seem to some, but receiving oral sex is not, for a number of us, at the top of our wish list. It may be there are insecurities. It may be we don’t like the passivity. It may be that our partner’s technique just isn’t doesn’t do it for us. We’ve heard plenty of stories from people who let their partner perform oral sex on them, letting their partner give head really as a favour to their partner, when actually it just never is hitting the right spot. Here’s how to make sure he or she really is up for receiving oral sex – and, when you’re the one on the receiving end, how to make sure it’s working for you.
Set The Mood
Receiving oral sex is necessarily a passive experience. You need to be relaxed and in the mood if it is going to work for you. Get the pillows arranged just right. Get the lighting just as you like it. Get the room warm. It may be you need to shower or bathe a stressful day away – and it may be that this gives you the additional confidence that things are going to taste just fine down there. (Taste can be an issue, for men and women, and it’s easily addressed with a quick soak.) You need the confidence as well both to know that your partner loves giving you oral sex, and that you can feel and express your arousal and sensations. It really is an affirmation of loving relationship, when you are enjoying sharing oral sex to the utmost.
Slow-lazy-dreamy oral sex does it all the way to orgasm for some. For others of us, maybe less sensitive, it needs to rev up and increase the stimulation, and friction, or, frankly, we just get bored. That goes for men, as much as it goes for women. The point is: while you, oh loving partner, are giving him/her oral, and losing yourself in loving contemplation of your partner’s beautiful naughty bits, it might be something working more for you than for him/her. If so, it’s time to talk.
Just ask: ‘Do you like it like this, or do you want it…?’ Harder, faster, deeper, or with the attention concentrated on a different spot. And, when it’s you being asked this question, or even, maybe especially, when you’re not, give directions. If you want his five o’clock shadow rubbing hard on your clitoris, say so. If you’ve shaved your balls specially, ask for a good, long lick and suck – and express your gratitude-without-end while that’s happening.
And get this: giving oral sex, use your hands. Unless you’re some kind of mechanized doll, your mouth and neck quite possibly aren’t equipped to keep delivering all your partner – he or she – wants and needs to reach their orgasm.
For men: work his shaft with your hands hard while you lick and suck the head. Give your mouth a rest. Alternate using your hand and mouth. You can usually hear where he is in terms of arousal, sexual response. Keep him heightening, maybe easing off only if you want to keep him up there a long time without having an orgasm. (A lubricated finger up his bum can also be a good thing.)
For women: massage her labia between your fingers while your tongue plays over her clitoris. Insert two fingers to beckon inside against the front wall of her vagina, where her G-spot is located, if she feels she has one. Use your fingers vigorously inside, if she likes this and, it may be, using her natural lubrication. She may also want to you to shift to using your fingers rhythmically on her clitoris.
It’s never a great thing for relationships if one partner is putting up with something he or she isn’t really into. Though, naturally, it is infinitely better for both of you if what you’re giving is really working for him or her. And oral sex can be such a joy – and very worth developing as part of your repertoire. Guys and gals: giving and receiving good head can be a joyous part of an intimate relationship.