Q: Every time I get near to the point of orgasm, it reaches a point where it becomes physically unbearable. As a consequence, I remove myself from the situation by pulling/backing away from my boyfriend. This occurs each subsequent time, and I’m really getting upset and frustrated with the situation. Can you suggest anything that might help?
The Lovers’ Guide replies:
Please don’t worry, most women will experience pain during intercourse at some time and it is rarely anything serious. Unfortunately, worry and anxiety about the possibility of pain tend to make things worse and you can end up in a vicious circle. I am not sure whether you are referring to pain around the clitoris or at the entrance to the vagina. The latter is usually due to a mild vaginal infection or to a condition called vaginismus, which is an involuntary spasm of the muscles of the lower third of the vagina. Your doctor will be able to rule out any infection with a simple swab test.
Pain or discomfort around the clitoris during stimulation is very common – there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Sometimes it can be related to over-zealous stimulation and if you think this could be the case, you should talk this through with your boyfriend. Don’t be embarrassed – the last thing he will want is to hurt you and as long as you broach the subject sensitively, I am sure he will understand.
Another possibility is that you are a little dry and anxiety will only make this worse. You could try using a lubricant such as baby oil. (If you use latex condoms then you will need to use a water-based lubricant as oil can weaken the latex). At the end of the day the clitoris is designed to be highly sensitive and sex is supposed to be fun. If it hurts, there is nothing wrong with taking a break until things calm down and then starting again.