Experiencing the elusive orgasm
Having sex is all about the orgasm right? Wrong. If you’re lucky enough never to have experienced you or your girlfriend not being able to experience orgasm, then you probably don’t really give it any thought. It’s something that just happens as a result of that wonderful, mind-blowing sex you’re having.
Well, perhaps, but sometimes no matter how good you both are or how much you are in love – it simply doesn’t happen. For some couples, this doesn’t actually matter and they have a fulfilling sex life with no complaints, but for others it really can cause problems.
If you fall into the latter category, we need to take a step back and really assess the situation. Sometimes, if you think about it, you may not actually be all that bothered and be rather grateful that you have someone to share sex with at all. It’s all very well looking around you and seeing the media telling us how to have better orgasms all the time, but well, where do your priorities lie?
After having thought about it, you’ve come to the conclusion that it does still bother you and you would like to ensure your girlfriend does experience orgasm. That’s great, but the thing is, you can’t do this alone – and if there’s one common theme of every Lovers’ Guide feature, it’s communication.
You need to talk to her about the fact that it bothers you. She may not have a clue that you’re worried and by talking about it, she will no doubt reassure you that it’s not a big deal. Once you’re relaxed, it’s sure to make it that little bit easier for you both. However, she may tell you that it has been worrying her a bit but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. That’s fine too and now the subject has finally been broached, you can make steps to remedy it.
So the first step? Forget about it. No, seriously. Completely forget about the fact that you want her to experience orgasm. If you don’t, she never might. Don’t focus too hard on it. When your mind becomes fixated on the goal of experiencing orgasm, your chances of actually reaching this peak diminish significantly.
Sex is a wonderful activity that you should enjoy free of inhibitions and nagging thoughts. Instead, focus on your partner and how her body connects with your own.
You want your mind to become attuned to the sensations and movements of your bodies. Your goal is to react instinctively and not plan anything. Stay in this state of action and reaction and revel in the feeling of two bodies moving in unison. The more you are able to let go and simply enjoy the act, the better the sex will be.
Sex is supposed to be fun. If you find you are not having fun and are constantly worried about whether or not you will experience orgasm, you are quite simply going about things in the wrong way. Let your thoughts go, take more time, and focus on the wonderful feeling between the two of you.
If you are struggling with experiencing a powerful orgasm, it may be because your foreplay is lacking. Sometimes in the excitement leading up to sex, there is a tendency to reduce the time spent on foreplay or to skip it altogether.
Unless there are serious time constraints, foreplay should never be skipped. In fact, good foreplay can lead to more powerful feelings of pleasure and better your orgasm. Here is a tip: if you are able to tease each other and come close to orgasm without actually achieving one, your final orgasmic moment can be spectacular. Teasing one another in the bedroom is playful and fun and creates a sexual build up that will certainly go some way to the experience of orgasm.
A common problem with women is the fear of letting go or losing control. If that sounds like your girlfriend, she may squirm at the thought of being seen by you in the throes of orgasm.
She may also feel a lack of inner trust. So just encourage her to talk to you about these feelings and reassure her that you will not judge her. It may not be easy at first for either of you but you should find that this method allows you safely to express your deepest thoughts and feelings to your beloved and to listen to hers.
However, more practical tips are available. Both of you need to get to know your bodies before you can let each other know it intimately.
Take time to masturbate and explore your own erogenous zones. The best thing about two women making love together is that they have a better idea of how things work, so take advantage of this and teach each other. You can’t do this until you are a master on the subject yourself.
You should also allow yourself to be turned on. It’s not actually as easy as it sounds, so try to talk gradually about what you like to each other, if, for example, you need to introduce some role play or simply have time where there’s no touching allowed – just talking about what you would like to do to each other.
And finally – it really isn’t the be all and end all. Relationships are so multi-faceted that you shouldn’t be downhearted if certain parts don’t work. You’ve got a gorgeous girlfriend, she wants to spend time with you and the journey is sometimes more fun than the final destination, so take your time and enjoy it!
