Fantasizing with your girlfriend
It’s something that everyone does – whether they care to admit it or not, and lesbians are no different!
It’s been said that women can orgasm more by fantasizing than by actually having sex – which could be true, as generally women are more emotive than men, which is why it’s great when you get two girls together.
By using fantasies in your sex life, you can really explore a whole range of feelings and experiences without leaving your bedroom. It can be a safe way of exploring options that you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do in a monogamous relationship.
It’s important to emphasise that just because you fantasize about something, it really doesn’t mean that you will actually carry out your fantasy – or even want to. It could be dangerous if your girlfriend thinks that you do actually want to take part in your fantasy – and vice versa. So you need to be fully trusting of each other and just enjoy it as it happens.
Another thing to remember is that if there is a slightly sinister side to your fantasies, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. The rape fantasy is a common one amongst straight women, but if they had the choice they almost certainly wouldn’t wish to be raped! It’s about the dangerous side to sex which can be explored safely in their heads.
The same goes for dressing up. Just because you get turned on, there are no risks to fantasies, which is why you can let your imagination run riot. It’s a perfect way to give that lacklustre sex life a little boost.
Trust is important – you want to be able to feel that you can tell her what turns you on without fear of ridicule – and you also want to feel that whatever your fantasy, she will still feel secure in your relationship. Many lesbians, even though they don’t like to admit it, have at one time or another fantasized about having sex with a man. This doesn’t mean they want to do it – it may be just a curiosity thing – but it still turns them on. Some even partake in the odd one night stand with a man they trust and find that it really is men they are interested in.
However, just because the fantasy is there – it doesn’t make them bisexual or mean they are about to run off with a man in favour of their current girlfriend.
If talking about your fantasies is new to you and your girlfriend, try talking generally about sex – after you have spent some time together in bed is always a good start, or perhaps on a date – it’s probably not a good idea to talk about it whilst at a family function or doing the dishes!
Start off in a general way and then start asking questions like, ‘What is it you like about that?’, ‘Have you ever done that before?’, ‘Do you think that would be for you if…?’ You can generally gauge the situation and if you feel you can keep asking more questions, or your girlfriend is being open with what she likes, then just see where the conversation naturally leads you to.
You will find that by opening up yourself, you will show that you trust her and by demonstrating that, she will feel easier about opening up to you. It may take time, but talking about what gets you going can only lead to a more fulfilling sex life – even if you do nothing about it!
