Does she only want me for sex?

Question: I love my girlfriend very much, and we have a great sex life which is varied, interesting and loving. However, sometimes I feel as though she does only want me for sex and that cuddles, kissing and special moments aren’t as important as both of is having an orgasm.

The sex is good – sometimes it may be a little too rough for my liking and she does have some strange fetishes, but in general I really do enjoy it and look forward to it – it’s just sometimes I feel a little used, which is hard if I am feeling vulnerable at times.

What can I do?

Sarah, Oxford

Response: Sex is such a complicated issue for many people, single and couples alike. The advice I give to everyone about sex is to talk, talk, talk. You can’t do enough talking when it comes to sex!

You must tell your girlfriend how it makes you feel when you have sex – even if you think it might hurt her feelings. Being honest is so important in a physical and spiritual relationship, but be sure not to be blunt and inconsiderate.

Try suggesting other ways of having sex – indeed making love. You might try to get her to engage in foreplay some more, by stopping her from having sex with you as soon as you both get turned on. Make her wait, and hopefully she will enjoy it more than she thought and start to pick up on habits.

Being subtle is always good to, when it comes to being physical. Try slowing her down by kissing or massaging her and try to assume that when you go to bed, sex is not all you will do.

Being subtle is always good to, when it comes to being physical. Try slowing her down by kissing or massaging her and try to assume that when you go to bed, sex is not all you will do.

It’s all about talking and changing habits. You will soon find that things begin to change – and if they don’t, perhaps it’s time to reconsider the relationship.