In the kink, bondage sex toys

Only a decade or so ago, kinky sex was something that was taboo. The idea of tying your lover up, putting them over your knee for a spanking or enjoying a role-play of wicked pirate and helpless slave was filed under ‘perverted’ and left strictly to lurid exposés in the tabloids. Nowadays, it’s practically mainstream. Fashion draws influence from fetish-wear, furry handcuffs are sold as novelty gifts (not just in sex toy shops either) and there are numerous sexy clubs you can go to if you fancy spanking your lover in public.

However, before you go stocking your sex toy cupboard with spanking paddles, whips and handcuffs, it’s important that you discuss your fantasies with your partner. Leaping out of the wardrobe dressed in a rubber gimp mask and clutching a pair of nipple clamps and a brace of leather sex toys is unlikely to get the result you desire. Instead, introduce your fantasies and fetishes slowly, so that you can gauge your lover’s opinion.

If you’re into spanking, perhaps mention that you’d like it if they gave you the occasional slap on the bum during sex. If bondage gets you tied up in knots, maybe ask your lover to pin you down with their hands before progressing to handcuffs or bondage tape. And if it’s role-play you’re after, start with dirty talk and add in the costumes at a later date if your partner agrees. By taking things slowly, you give your partner time to adapt to the idea rather than rushing them into something that may make them initially feel uncomfortable.

Assuming your partner is happy to experiment with kinky sex, there are a host of sex toys that you can use to enhance sub/dom fantasies. At the tamest end of the scale, you could simply slip a blindfold over your lover’s eyes (with their permission, of course). Removing their sense of sight means you can suspend disbelief to a greater degree. Suddenly, they can become a kidnap victim who’s going to be restrained and teased until the ransom is paid; a villain caught by a police officer and duly punished; a subject in a scientific experiment testing sexual response to touch; or a submissive who’s being taught a lesson in the middle of a crowded club. Not bad for something that you can buy from £5.

Then there’s bondage. With cuffs and other sex toys like harnesses and spreader bars available in leather or satin, metal or fake fur, to name just a few options, you can be as cruel or as kind as you want (safe word allowing, of course). You could cuff your lover’s hands behind their back and say that you’ll only release them once they’ve orally pleasured you to climax; tie their legs to the bed and only release them once they’ve come for you three times by various methods; or tie their wrists and hands to the bed then tease them all over with their favourite sex toy. And once you’ve untied your lover you can always extend the game by telling them that they have to stay in the same position even though they’re no longer bound: rules are rules, and if your partner is submissive this is a surefire way to turn them on.

If pain gets you going then sex toys like spanking paddles, whips, crops, canes and nipple clamps could hit the spot. With any form of spanking tool, you should avoid hitting the kidneys or bony areas of the body as you can cause severe damage (rather than a fun endorphin rush). Instead, focus on the ‘sweet spot’ – the point at which the buttocks meet the thighs – and your lover will be drifting into bliss in no time. And if nipple clamps are your sex toy of choice, do remember that the most painful moment is when the clamps are taken off and the blood rushes back into the nipples, so always remove them just before your partner reaches their pain threshold rather than pushing them right to the limit. Make sure that you always test any sex toy that you’re going to use on a partner on yourself first too: the better you know your tools, the more skillfully you can apply them, after all.

Posted in Creative Lovemaking, Sex