Having sex during your period is entirely natural and, to many women, highly pleasurable – they feel more aroused than at other times. What, though, when your partner isn’t keen? Advice is given.
When I get my period, I feel really horny and just want to make love right through it. I haven’t had many boyfriends and it hasn’t been much of an issue before. Now I am going with a steady guy – and he doesn’t seem as if he is at all keen on having sex during my time of the month. Is he right to avoid the mess – or should I just come out and ask him? Problem is – I am not sure how I’ll respond if he says ‘no’…
Our reply – Have your say in the LoveSpace forums:
It’s natural for you to want sex during your period. Many women feel highly aroused at this time of the month, as the hormonal effects of ovulation continue and also due to the build-up of blood in the pelvic region, similar to the flow of blood around the genitals during sexual arousal at other times. Some women say they feel aroused because it’s ‘naughty’. Many find that having an orgasm while menstruating relieves period pains, as the contractions of the uterus during orgasm help use the hormones (prostaglandins) that are responsible for cramps. It may also be that women find sex more enjoyable because they think there’s no risk of pregnancy now, though this isn’t actually the case – there can be some risk.
So far as you’re concerned, then, there’s no problem at all with wanting sex, and a lot of good to be gained by having sex. Now let’s address the issue of your boyfriend.
Fair’s fair, there are men who are disturbed by the menses. It can be psychologically troubling – and perhaps for this reason there are and have been many societies in which menstruation and menstruating women are taboo, and sex with menstruating women taboo or illegal. We won’t go into the Freudian ins and outs here; suffice it to say, your boyfriend’s views aren’t exactly uncommon.
It doesn’t sound as if you’ve really talked about having sex during your period with your boyfriend – more as if you’ve just got the sense he isn’t keen. (Does he usually take the lead in initiating sex, or is he actually rebuffing your advances?) You could try asking if he really doesn’t like the idea and then see what he has to say. If he does say he doesn’t really like the idea of it, he could still be persuaded – he is just being honest, and it’s no reflection on you. If he gets cross or angry at the idea, then you may feel you have a relationship problem here re. the choice of man.
To help your boyfriend with the thoughts of the mess and the cleanliness – this despite many women’s saying there isn’t much mess when actually having sex – suggest you have a shower together and have sex there. Any mess is instantly washed away, and the water flowing over your body looks so sexy. In terms of sex positions, try rear-entry standing sex, using the wall to help balance you, or rest your back on the shower wall for face-to-face sex and raise one of your knees as high as you can to help deepen penetration.
If his issue is your menstrual blood coming into contact with his penis, then get him to put a condom on irrespective of whether you’re normally using condoms. He might just find this gives the psychological protection he needs – and maybe realize he is generally being a bit squeamish. If messing the bed sheets is an issue, put some towels down or have sex in the kitchen, say, where the surfaces all wipe clean.
Giving him options like these for how you might have sex during your period can be a good way of negotiating and also letting him know how much you want sex now.
Lastly, it’s worth your considering the positions you like most when you’re having your period. It may be, for example, you don’t want sex positions where the penetration is too deep – your cervix might be very sensitive at this time of the month. In face to face positions, you could try keeping your legs together and having him straddle you. Alternatively, use woman-on-top positions to allow you to control the pace, angle and the depth of penetration.
We do hope your new steady guy sees the light!
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