I had a three way: have I got HIV?

I don’t know who to turn to but the Lovers’ Guide. I am a mostly heterosexual woman but got a bit wild with a girlfriend and her boyfriend at the weekend. We had all drunk way too much and had some other stuff, too, then my gf started coming on to me. That was fine – and I suppose I quite enjoyed it. Her bf was obviously hugely excited by watching all this. Anyway, he didn’t have a condom – and I am terrified of getting pregnant so, when it came to having sex with me,  I let him do it anally. Then I was talking generally about what we had got up to with my gf (we work together) – and she mentioned that her bf would get off on men sometimes just as we had got off on each other. Now I am terrified that I might have Aids (you wouldn’t belief how normally obsessive I am about safe sex) and don’t know how I can go to a clinic and say all this (it’s hard enough to write it down anonymously). What do I do?

The Lovers’ Guide team replies. What would you say?

Hi. We’re actually not talking about AIDS here but HIV – the (retro-)virus that can lead to AIDS, especially if your health care won’t provide the necessary drugs. HIV is the retrovirus; AIDS is the immunity-failure syndrome that can be caused thereby.

First off, go to your local genito-urinary clinic (GUM) – or, failing that, your doctor – to arrange the tests. In the first instance, assuming this has happened recently, the tests will ascertain whether you did or didn’t have HIV already. It’s around three months later that you’ll be tested again, and this result will probably be definitive. (There is a small but significant chance of initial false-positives; negatives, though, are reliable.)

It can feel horrible taking the tests if you think you may be at risk. However, bottom-line, you need to know. If – and chance is on your side, although anal sex is higher risk – you really have contracted HIV, you need to know this so that the condition can be monitored and, insofar as this is possible, contained.

As for your sexual behaviour in the future, it’s obviously a good idea not to have unprotected sex with strangers. Easy to say – and worth not doing too.

For more information, check the Lovers’ Guide HIV pages – click here

Good luck.

Posted in Sex, Sex Problems