Hunger Games: Edging Orgasm

women_orgasm_2There’s a game played with sex, and the sexual response cycle, that a lot of guys know about, and have done since they first worked out that, by and large, they cum, they ejaculate, then that’s it. They’re done and the fun for now is over.

But it needn’t be. There’s a way to maintain high levels of ongoing sexual excitement. It’s called edging: going to the almost-point of inevitability of orgasm, then stopping, removing all stimulation, and sliding back a little down the path of your arousal, until you’re ready to go and climb again – and do this again and again and again, repeatedly, until you absolutely cannot stop yourself. Then your orgasm is, pretty much guaranteed to be, absolutely mind-blowing.

Now, the thing is, this technique works pretty much exactly the same with women too. You guys, or you women alone, can edge her orgasm, going to the brink each time, even over days, and you’ll be getting into some sexy psychological space here, and when it comes, when you at last tip over the edge into orgasm, it can indeed be mind-blowing.

This is a game played against what her body immediately wants to do – it is about making her body, or his, wait – and it can involve a lot of fantasy, even in the 50-shades-of category, as you tease and discipline your partner’s body’s drives. It’s inevitably a kind of power game – when either partner submits himself or herself to the other, and gives it to them to be aroused and stimulated, and be in control of when orgasm happens. Where it is agreed that one will tease and take the other to the edge and then stop, then things can come to seem a little dark – we are partly playing games with power relationships between men and women. That said, it is of course a consensual game, and the moment it really has become too much, the one submitting can take over and, probably in an instant now, bring themselves off.

The techniques of arousal involved are just as you always use, though perhaps more as for sex play, or foreplay, than intercourse. When you’re playing together, men, put a lot of emphasis on whole-body recognition and pleasuring, with powerful emotional expression as you adore her. Kiss and caress her all over, each time, at each stage, as well as concentrating attention on her vagina and clitoris. With her skin – whole body – see how delicate and how sensitive your touch can be. You can build arousal quite slowly, in ways that utterly absorb her in her senses, her sensual experience, which feel warm and delicious, while the rise in intensity toward orgasm is still a long way off. Think of the difference for you between a long, sensuous sex-session, whether with your partner or alone, and a couple of minutes bashing one off. The experience of orgasm is massively different. It’s the same idea, taking time to build her up to hers.

Women, when you are teasing your man, feel how his penis throbs and swells, or subsides. Listen to him – but also know that some men feel free to make a lot of noise as they become aroused, whereas others can be practically silent. It’s worth knowing too that he might want really vigorous stimulation to start getting there, especially as this is a relatively passive situation for him – A lot of men simply don’t come through oral sex, because they are used to taking charge and doing it for themselves, and because oral sex is just too low intensity to please. Be prepared to use your hands and work his penis hard. That way, you might find him begging for it. Then stop!

Knowing when to stop, before she or he comes, can be the tricky part. For a start, it’s true to say that you can become so bound up in your partner’s arousal that you want to take him/her all the way over the edge to orgasm, so there is discipline involved for yourself as well. It’s also going to be different for different individuals. For some, you might edge it to the very first sign of, say, abdominal contractions, or when the head of his penis swells hard, and then be able to stop and pull back; for others, this is already past the point of no return. You know your partner – if not, you need to! Watch for her signs of increasing arousal, bearing in mind how long it usually takes to begin his/her experience of orgasm, and maybe don’t push too close.

When you stop, depending on how you’ve agreed the game, you might want to withdraw attention completely – and if you are playing this game over days that can mean getting showered and dressed to go off to work – or considerably lessen stimulation, to return to strokes and kisses, until your partner’s level of arousal has subsided and you’re ready to build it right back up again. As to when you ‘let’ your partner come, that’s up to you.

Posted in Female Orgasm