I’m worried that I am not normal because it always takes around 30 minutes for me to come when my boyfriend goes down on me. I’ve always been like this with all the boyfriends I’ve had but this is the first time I’ve worried about it as my boyfriend said that all his ex girlfriends only used to take about 10 minutes. I thought everyone took as long as me. I do enjoy it so I’m confused why it takes me so long? Can you help?
The Lovers’ Guide replies:
Sexual response varies from woman to woman and half an hour is by no means unusual. It’s worth bearing in mind that certain things can delay orgasm, including alcohol, stress or drugs. It may also be that your partner isn’t hitting the right buttons for you. Have you talked to him about what really gets you off – or even moaned in the right places? If not, have a chat to him about it. Commenting on people’s sexual technique has to be done carefully as most people are a little insecure about it. Try asking him if there’s anything you could do that he’d particularly like then introduce a few points of your own.
It’s certainly not very sensitive of your lover to compare you to his exes. Admittedly, some women can come in ten minutes – but some women take a lot longer than half an hour. He needs to realise that all women are different.
If you want to speed things up, try adding fingers or a toy to the equation; a vibrator plus tongue is a great experience. Tell him when he hits the spots that really get you going. Most importantly, don’t focus on coming. Orgasms tend to be stubborn – the more you think about them, the more elusive they are.
Don’t get het up about it. You’re absolutely normal. Let your partner know what you like with sighs, moans, whatever! Add some extra stimulation and if your boyfriend insists on talking about his previous lovers, ask him if he wants you to start comparing him to your exes.