What’s going on when your male partner doesn’t like you giving him oral sex? Could it be your technique – and is there anything you can do to encourage him to like you giving him a blowjob? Advice is given.
My partner and I have really good sex – and we do most things in any given session, usually only limited by time. I love him having oral sex with me and sixty nine seems kind of okay but I just know that he isn’t happy about how I give him blowjobs. In every other way we seem to be in sync but somehow I just can’t seem to get the pressure or rhythm or something right. He doesn’t complain but I can feel is disappointment, know he avoids it (but I love the taste and feeling of him coming in my mouth) and, sadly, he certainly has come this way in a long time (not even when 69-ing). What could I be getting so wrong?
Our reply – Have your say in the LoveSpace forums:
Hang on a sec: how do you know he isn’t happy about the ways YOU give him blowjobs? Maybe he just doesn’t like blowjobs. Yeah yeah, so no man is supposed not to like blowjobs. Well, hmmm. Served as a stand-alone meal, as opposed to an entrée, he might just find the whole lying back letting you do all the work thing kind of dull. Plenty of guys don’t mind giving their partners permission to blow them, though might prefer it if there’s something good on the TV the while, but wouldn’t exactly buy flowers to encourage it. Sure, that doesn’t mean they won’t come, just that there isn’t enough for them to do to get their hearts and minds really involved in it. Could be he’s just not into being a passenger.
If it’s his coming in your mouth you’re particularly after, flag that up as something you like and ask him to do it. If you’re having sex, he can withdraw at the critical moment to come in your mouth. If you need to get the feel of his cock in your mouth, maybe he’d like to think of this as foreplay then move on to the kinds of sex where he can be more active – or check the positions you’re using and give him oral sex with him on his knees or thrusting into your mouth from above. Ask him what he wants during sex and switch things around while you’re having sex so you both get enough of what you both want. And if you feel something isn’t going well, don’t suffer in silence. Talk!
Of course, it could be that it really is a question of technique. Maybe it is the pace or the rhythm. Have you tried giving him oral sex with his hand on your head guiding you? Do you tend to use your hands to add to the sensations you’re giving him? (Almost no-one gives a decent blowjob without using their hands.) For a whole range of great oral sex techniques, read the article here [TK link].
It could be more to do with mood or personality. Maybe he feels awkward, unsure if he’s allowed to thrust into your mouth, say, or pull your hair and get himself in really deep. Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of kissing you after you’ve had his cock in your mouth. Maybe he doesn’t like feeling so vulnerable – receiving oral sex can be an emotionally exposing experience. Maybe it scares him to feel so passive and he needs to learn that he can relax and let his feelings flow. Some of this you can solve quite quickly by talking it through; some runs deeper.
So there you go: a touch of realism versus the myth that all men like nothing more than a blowjob; and some avenues you can explore to do with varying your sex and sex play, trying out yet more techniques and making sure you’re in the same space emotionally and erotically when you’re having sex. Good luck!