Get yourself a lover by Valentine’s – the 8 point plan

If you’re single and looking ahead with dread to the spectacle of other people’s Valentine’s Day celebrations – and you want a lover – then it’s time for you to find a new partner with the Lovers’ Guide Valentine’s plan.

A new you

A little self-reinvention can go along way, especially if you’ve got stuck in the habit of being single. There is a train of thought which accepts going home and to bed alone is the way it is – and which fails to see or shies away from the possibility of intimately loving other people. To help you switch tracks, change a few of the surface details: new clothes and new hair can help you see a new you when you look in the mirror; new ways of using your free time can give you a fresh glimpse of how other (new) people use theirs. In other words, take yourself out of a so-called comfort zone, lose the substitutes for love and feel more alive again. The change in outlook is more or less guaranteed to show – and help you see other people differently.

A sensual you

Remind yourself what love, desire and sensuality feel like. Think back to times when you’ve had great sex – and don’t fixate on the people that sex was with: they’ve been and gone and you’ve got to move on. Pamper yourself sensually. Take a walk in the park. Have a massage. Up your sex drive by checking your diet: cut back on the fat and the carbs – and the coffee and booze and fags – and make a point of eating all that we’re told each week is good for us. Your libido will thank you, though you might find yourself masturbating more while your lover awaits you. There’s no harm there and plenty of good. Click for more on becoming a sensual lover.


Check your address book and use those friends and contacts. Organize and get yourself invited to parties and nights out. Ask everyone to bring a new person. When you are out, don’t stick to the people you already know. Work the room and be prepared to put out. Click for more on how to make friends and influence people.

A further avenue to explore is internet dating, which can put you in touch with many people living not too far away from you. Click for more information on writing an internet dating profile.

Who do you want?

Take time to sit back, close your eyes and fantasize about the lover you might want. Create a picture of the lover who might be for you. Called positive mental imaging, this technique works on the principle that if you know what you’re looking for, you’ll up your chances of finding it. Of course, there’ll be more than one person out there who might be a match, but you’ll be quicker to recognize your most desired qualities made flesh if you’ve already spent time with your fantasy lover.

Flirt their socks off

Rejection here isn’t an issue. Flirting isn’t a matter of life and death, rejection or failure; it’s a game, which might or might not lead to a more serious outcome. So play the game. Keep an open posture, dazzle them with your smile and hold their eyes. Click for more on the flirting signals we use. Nor should you worry about ‘leading on’ other people. When you’re flirting, you’re making no promises – and the next step isn’t sex; it’s a further chance to assess whether you might want them sexually, called a date.

Think short term

Don’t be afraid of a quick fling – though do use condoms if having sex – and don’t worry about seeing more than one person at once, in other words, of not immediately having to think you’re in a one-on-one relationship. On the contrary, what you might find is that, like buses, lovers take forever to arrive, then three come at once, perhaps because those who are clearly ‘getting it’ can tend to seem more sexually attractive and sexually switched on than people who aren’t. You’ll find your own preferred pace to move things along – and you certainly don’t need to read sex, let alone marriage vows, into the first kiss.

Enjoy the date

The first date can be nerve-wracking, but then that’s part of the fun. Remember; the date should be fun: you’re not being scarily interviewed for a new job.

You need only ask if your prospective lover might like to do something with you sometime. As to what you do, this is a matter that will probably flow quite naturally from your first conversations. What interests, preferred dining venues included, have you found that you have in common?

Make the effort, dress well, don’t be late – then allow yourself to be a bit clumsy and enjoy. Click for more on passing the first date test.

Going further

It is generally advisable not to go too far, i.e. have sex, on the first date – though more and more people say they find first-date sex acceptable and the two of you might find it glaringly obvious that you can be an exception to the general rule.

When deciding if you are going to make this a sexual relationship, take things at your own pace and never feel pressured. Allow the relationship to develop. Learn more about each other and get to like and want each other more. As for the moment to pounce, an invitation to come back to yours and a prolonged kiss will usually do the trick.

Posted in Relationships, Starting a Relationship