People are often afraid to ask about many aspects of sex, but don’t worry, everyone has their own concerns. Here are some of the most common.
Q. I reach orgasm within seconds and my girlfriend’s starting to get irritable with me. What can I do to slow myself down?
A. This is a common problem, particularly in young men, and is mostly due to over-excitement and nervousness. Don’t worry, there are many techniques that can help, but the simplest one is to start again once you’ve ejaculated. You’ll both have more fun and be more relaxed second time around. For information on other techniques, such as the’ squeeze technique’ (basically, breaking off from stimulation and squeezing the head of the penis between finger and thumb), why not take a look at the Lovers’ Guide videos?
Orgasms during penetration
Q. I sometimes have orgasms during penetration and would like to have more as I find them more satisfying than those I have through clitoral stimulation alone. How do I increase my chances of success?
A. Some positions are better for orgasms during penetration than others. If you’re on top you can stimulate your clitoris by rubbing it against his pelvic bone, which many women find very successful. Alternatively, there are many positions in which either of you can reach your clitoris with a hand. A good example is when he enters you from behind. Also get him to explore your G-spot (see anatomy) as some positions will stimulate this more intensely. A few women can achieve strong orgasms simply through G-spot stimulation. Other women can reach orgasm just by fantasising – so try out your favourite fantasies during penetration. For more information see the Lovers’ Guide videos.
Lack of foreplay
Q. My partner heads straight for my clitoris and then expects instant orgasms. I’ve tried hinting, but he’s not taking any notice.
A. If he’s very inexperienced, then you may want to take the time to teach him about what turns you on. Try watching the Lovers’ Guide videos with him and talking about the parts that catch your imagination. If he’s just lazy or set in his ways and really won’t listen, then maybe you should think about finding someone who cares about your pleasure enough to take time and make an effort.
Focusing on sex
Q. What is the best way to get in the mood after a hard day at work?
A. The most obvious things do really work, so don’t pass them by – try soft lighting and relaxing (or sexy, throbbing) music. Perhaps a bottle of wine and a meal that doesn’t need too much effort but involves some sexy food (reputedly asparagus, strawberries, champagne and chocolate) will all help you refocus on sensuality. Experiment with massage – just hands and feet will do to start – and try wearing clothes that are not the first thing you find. Dressing in something your partner will like can really be a turn on for both of you. If you’re feeling adventurous, try watching a sexy film together (the Lovers’ Guide videos are a good start) or reading parts out loud from an erotic novel.