Compulsive flirts

Compulsive flirts

Is he looking at you? Does he want you? Has he shimmied up, put on his best, most seductive smile, then, cat-like, rubbed an exploratory hand on a not-quite-un-intimate spot? Is he a flirt?

Warning: it could be he’s playing. It could be he’s trying his chances just to see if he could. This, one assumes, is generally because he’s testing his lovely, youthful looks – whether lovely to himself and his contemporaries or otherwise – and because of a considerable quotient of psychological damage and low self-esteem.

It could be that he really is just being friendly and this is his way of being nice to everyone, unaware of the possible impact.

Unless he actually fancies you.

What you don’t do is immediately re-mortgage the house and book the next month off work to regale the new love of your life somewhere fabulous. Nor, assuming youth and beauty, do you allow an otherwise cautious frame of mind to give way to impossible nostalgia, complete loss of objectivity and doomed declarations of absolute love presently to follow.

What you do is… make a little light conversation. Flirt back. Hold back. Ask a few questions. Engage on a level which isn’t to do with mere visuals – and see if he becomes not merely fit but actually interesting. Might you get on with him? This shouldn’t take longer than a densely packed ten minutes.

It might also be borne in mind that those who are flirtatious can tend to respond rather well to those who, while perfectly friendly, clearly have no ‘need’ to be liked by everyone – indeed, seem generally ‘sorted’ and exhibit zero dependency. This might be because the flirt is rather needy and sees in the independent man a stronger state of self to which they can aspire.

Beware the flirt! It could be they’re the best thing that’s happened to you since breakfast. It could be they’re an emotional danger zone. But keep a touch of the player about you, engage on a level with which you can be eminently comfortable, and they can be fun.

Posted in Gay, Relationships, Relationships, Starting