Sex Problems

Oral sex issues

We’d like here to talk through some of the concerns and questions regarding oral sex which we have received from you. To judge by your messages, it seems that all over the world there are some key themes here. So if you’re worrying, don’t – you’re in very good company! These are the six most frequent you’ve sent in. Thank you for all your messages. Please keep them coming.

My sexual fantasies are really scaring me

Our sexual fantasies can seem a world away from the ways we actually have sex and think of our relationships. Advice is given to one whose sexual fantasies have become very troubling.

I can’t experience orgasm with my boyfriend

Problem: Help! I’ve been dating my bf for seven months now, and I really love him, he is really great in bed – he would do whatever to make me feel the best… But I have a major problem: I can’t reach orgasm no matter what he does. (I can easily be reaching orgasm when I am masturbating myself when he isn’t around, less than 1 min.)

Overcoming the fear of penetration

Men and women often accept that a woman’s first sexual experience may be painful. If it is, it is nearly always because of this expectation. If you anticipate being hurt it is natural to tighten your vagina against the pain, and this reaction itself often makes intercourse difficult, if not painful. In some cases, intercourse becomes impossible.

Problem: ‘Bad experiences have damaged my self-esteem’

I have serious sex problems. I am 29 yrs old, recovering from an eating disorder. I am in a relationship and I love my husband VERY much. But like many women I have had bad experience with men in the past. I have been forced to do things that at the time I didn’t want to do and have been raped. I have a low self esteem and I have been married and cheated on before.

Problem: I have no libido

I love my boyfriend so much. we’ve been together for nine years. The problem is we only have sex about twice a year. He needs more. I don’t enjoy it or want it although I fancy him rotten. He is thinking about leaving me because he feels we are more like friends than partners. I have no libido. I don’t hanker for other men. If I did hanker for a man it would be for my man and I am scared of losing him. I don’t want to pretend to enjoy sex with him as that would undermine out trust but I know he deserves a healthy sex life, something he would have if he were not in love with me.

My partner isn’t able to penetrate me

Hi. My problem is penetration. Me and my partner do long lovemaking. We both are fully excited but as soon as he tries to penetrate he becomes loose or sometimes even if he is hard he just can’t find where to penetrate? We have been trying for the last one and a half years nearly but still haven’t done intercourse. I am very upset. Please give medical advice.

Men and women who avoid sex

For the very lucky couple who are perfectly balanced in their sexual needs and appetites, neither avoids sex. But if one partner goes off sex, the balance is lost and remedial action needs to be taken.

Problem: ‘My wife wants to make home porn’

Home made ‘porn’ can seem a daunting prospect, but with a little preparation – and careful agreement about when the results may be shown – it can certainly make for a steamier sex life.

Problem: ‘I only seem to go for men who are not available’

The pursuit of the unobtainable is a problem for many people. Its causes lie deep, but intimacy can be found – and accepted – through therapy.