With the best and most mandrogynous will in the world, it can be that guys go into sexual relationships with a little to prove. We want to please, and probably wouldn’t mind as well being thought of as a great lover. There are pitfalls here and then, as relationships progress, and as our sense of what works for our partner comes on apace, it can be all too easy to think we’re ‘performing’ just fine, when really things are not quite as they could be. These are top sex-mistakes made by men, and how to avoid them.
Slow intercourse, in the sex positions which most readily allow for this, can lead to a more intense and protracted experience of orgasm for both men and women. One reason for this is that the sensation has had time to build and gather in intensity, and another that our minds, our thoughts, have become more fully embroiled in the act of lovemaking, and in all the fantasies we share with our partner. The afterglow can become positively dreamy – for him – and a great opportunity to keep going and have more orgasms – for her.
It is understandable that many women might feel themselves to be the relatively passive partner while having sex. The man puts out, the woman receives. Culturally, even now, there can be lingering imbalances in the sexual politics. Of course, men and women play different roles when they have sex, and with many sexual positions the man may indeed be more ‘active’ or ‘dominant’. That’s fine up to a point, the point being when both partners think that it’s up to the man to give the woman an orgasm. For him: a fairly hefty dose of pointless anxiety. For her: disappointment can beckon. It’s time to take charge.
Having sex during your period is entirely natural and, to many women, highly pleasurable – they feel more aroused than at other times. What, though, when your partner isn’t keen? Advice is given.
It was Sigmund Freud who set the tone for twentieth century advice as to the superior qualities of vaginal orgasm, rather than clitoral. Vaginal orgasm, he claimed, was the more ‘mature’ orgasm – and for much of the century that was the orthodox line. Still, though, many women do indeed report that clitoral stimulation alone, and the resultant orgasm, just isn’t as good as the ‘real thing’. So what’s the truth of the matter?
Female ejaculation – or more raunchily, gushing or squirting orgasms – has been known of for centuries, is written of, for example, in medieval Indian texts, yet awareness and acceptance of the phenomenon has until recently by and large been suppressed in the west, along with other aspects of sexuality, particularly women’s sexuality. Explanations vary and are not yet conclusive, but one thing’s for sure: it feels great!
For many women, your oral sex skills are much more important than either how big your penis is or how long you can ‘keep it up’ when having intercourse. Get your oral sex technique honed and you’ll be taking giant leaps to being her ideal lover.
Nowadays, if you ask a woman what she’d most like to receive from her lover, she’s as likely to say a sex toy as a bunch of flowers. Ever since the Jessica Rabbit first shot to fame courtesy of Sex and the City, sex toys have been a ‘must have’ item for women in the know. But when it comes to choosing the perfect sex toy for your lover, you might just need to approach things carefully.
Get to grips with the three big ‘F’s: foreplay, friction and fantasy. Orgasms guaranteed? Almost. Try our suggestions for achieving satisfaction every time you make love, then share your orgasm secrets with the ever growing Lovers’ Guide community.
Our thanks for the advice and the questions you’ve sent in about enhancing female orgasm. Here’s a selection of the tips you’ve offered – and our responses to the issues you face and your areas of concern.