Can I really tell my girlfriend about my sex toys?

Sharing male sex toysA lot of guys appreciate anal stimulation, and many have enjoyed anal sex play with other guys. It’s good to be able to share our sexual experiences, desires and ways of enjoying sex with our partners. Advice is given.

I’ve always liked anal penetration and have as well in the past enjoyed having sex with mates – i.e. with other guys. I’ve got a steady girlfriend now and while she’s really hot in bed, and really goes for it, I think her views about some things are a bit conservative. I still like playing with my dildos and butt plugs when she’s not around, and I’d really like to bring anal sex play into our sex life together. Is there a way of suggesting this that isn’t going to get me dumped?

Our reply – Have your say in the LoveSpace forums:

It would a bit harsh of your girlfriend to dump you just for suggesting you’d like some anal play, but that’s not to say she’s necessarily going to like the idea or agree to, say, using your dildos on you.

Have you talked about this at all yet? Does your girlfriend know that you’ve been with other guys in the past, which could be a good way into a discussion about anal sex play? Do you talk about sex more generally – sharing fantasies, talking about things you might like to try or what you most like from sex? If you’re talking already about all the different ways you enjoy sex, it shouldn’t be too big a leap to float the subject of anal sex, and see how that goes. (If you don’t tend to talk about sex, you could be missing out on some good information about what each other likes.)

Try having a chat along these lines, maybe when you’re lazing around together and might be starting to feel sexy, or when you’re watching a Lovers’ Guide video together. Swap tips. Ask her what she most likes from sex. Say, ‘How about anal play?’ And then you can say that you like it, that it feels good having something inside you, acknowledging perhaps that you expect it might be different for boys than it is for girls. She might be surprised. She might react by saying that’s gross. She might be keen to see how it works! Still, you’ll have broached the subject and can get an idea about whether it might be on the cards or if it’s probably not going to happen with this girl.

It’s worth thinking in advance about what exactly you’d like to try. Do you want her to use a dildo on you? Do you want to use a dildo on yourself while, maybe, she plays with a vibrator? Would you like to have a butt plug inside you while you have sex – or maybe a vibrating butt plug, and she could have the controls, perhaps while giving you oral sex? You might find that some ways of using sex toys fit better into the ways you usually have sex than others do.

Spare a thought for cleanliness as well. If your girlfriend is unsure about anal sex play, then any dirt on the toys while or after using them is probably not going to go down so well with her. Douche first and really clean yourself out, then leave your really big dildos in the toys box for now, since they’re more likely to get messy than smaller toys. If you’re using butt plugs with your girlfriend, leave them in until you get on your own to the bathroom. You could also try having sex in the shower, with her using a dildo on you there.

Well, you can but ask – and you never know. It might be the case that this kind of sex play just isn’t for her. On the other hand, she might be really up for it! Good luck.

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Posted in Better Sex: Pleasing Him, Sex