Men can experience full and ejaculatory orgasm through anal, rectal and prostate stimulation alone, in the absence of direct genital touch. Then again, some men reach orgasm and ejaculate when they are urinated upon: such is the power of the mind. Even without ejaculatory orgasm, anal/rectal stimulation can enhance our experience of sex and, even when offered without genital stimulation, build up to a feeling of euphoria and release of sexual tension, which might just as well be called orgasm – and which we can experience repeatedly, again and again, with no male multiple orgasm training required.
Anal orgasm – taboo sex
The obvious initial hurdle that many men and, perhaps even more so, their partners will have to overcome is that anal penetration and stimulation for men are often thought of as being the sole preserve of the homosexual. Why this is so may seem too obvious to consider. Anal sex, when a man is on the receiving end, is what many think all gay men get up to. (Not so, but there it is.) Ergo, for a man to enjoy receptive anal penetration must mean he’s gay. Or so the logic runs.
Beyond this, however, there is the actual feeling of the experience of anal penetration, which can indeed feel receptive, passive, intrusive, quite different in kind from the penetrating experience, in which the man thrusts his body and self into another. Given the primacy of penetrating in the pantheon of masculine self-validating praxis, the reversal of roles can indeed be experienced as an unnerving reversal of subject-position. Feels good, though. Empty your bowels out beforehand and give it a go.
The pleasure of anal stimulation
The anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings. When a man’s partner goes “around the world” on him (lucky him) and licks his anus (annnilingus), the pleasure can be exquisite, especially if she caresses his saliva-soaked penis at the same time. Men, if your partner is unwilling to do this, try caressing yourself when you masturbate, with a little lube on your fingers. You’ll get the idea.
Similarly, probing slightly through the anus, and don’t try this without lube, can be exquisitely pleasurable and add what feels like a good, throbbing inch to your erection. Ask your partner to try this with a lubed finger while giving you oral sex. Do check first that the nails on the relevant fingers are free of any rough edges.
Alternatively, your partner could use her tongue to probe with. That’s her call.
Be aware that it is risky to lick the anus where STI transmission might be an issue. Hepatitis can be spread this way – and hepatitis is really, really unpleasant, though can be easily vaccinated against.
If your partner is unwilling to try oral-anal stimulation, you might try including showering together as part of your foreplay, you might encourage her by offering her oral-anal stimulation, or you might just have to let this one go.
The pleasure of anal penetration
The widely accepted view is that it is stimulation of the prostate, through the front wall of the rectum, which provides the principal pleasure of anal penetration for men. There are, though, clearly plenty of nerve-endings in the sphincter – the muscles that keep the anus closed. In relation to the opening of the anus, the prostate is located towards the front of your body, a couple of inches inside. It’s relatively pointless searching for the prostate when you aren’t erect, as it is when the body is preparing to ejaculate that the prostate gland secretes and fills with prostatic fluid, a key constituent of ejaculate, and hence swells.
When you are aroused, you’ll know you’ve found your prostate, if you try with your fingers, because you may detect a certain swelling (donut-shaped, if you can read Braille) and the area, the male G-spot, will when touched feel fantastic, conducive to a state of enhanced arousal and intensified sensation. You can use your fingers to explore in this fashion, or you might want to…
Bring in the toys!
Whether alone or with your partner assisting, it is undeniably easier to explore and enjoy anal stimulation using sex toys. For a man, you probably want a fairly slender dildo, and one sufficiently inflexible to be able to aim towards the prostate. The purpose-built alternative to this is called the anal probe, available in the Lovers’ Guide shop, which has a bulbous head and a slender shaft, so it’s a bit of a pop getting it in and out but in between just dandy.
With your partner, allow yourself to be passive. Get the dildo inserted then, as she gives you oral sex or masturbates you, or concentrates on anal stimulation alone, ask her to work the dildo around and up and down inside you. This can feel very intense.
Anal and prostate stimulation can lead you to feel you’re experiencing, frankly, your most raging boner ever. The urge to masturbate immediately and explode can be prominent. If you do and you’re with your partner, be prepared to offer her a lot of oral sex very shortly afterwards, by way of saying thank you.
The alternative, when you feel the urge to come to be almost overwhelming, is to stop stimulating your penis and pause the toy. When the feeling has subsided a little, recommence with the dildo. If this is working according to plan, you should experience a mind-blowing, somewhat prolonged period – with no ejaculation, so you can go on to experience the feeling again very shortly afterwards, with no refractory period in which your arousal and ability to sustain an erection are in abeyance.
The quality of these orgasmic moments really are on a par with, if not in excess of, the experience of ejaculatory orgasm. By this time, if all’s going according to plan, you really couldn’t care less if this is all as heterosexual as President Bush or a bit gay.
It has to be said that the pleasures of receptive anal sex play can take the edge off the urge to penetrate your partner. Then again, so can a blow job. Schedule your anal sex play with your partner for those times when your chattering tongue feels it should have a great deal to say but hasn’t really – and so would be better employed down there. We doubt your partner will mind much.
For the brave
Of course, to take things further, you could buy your partner a strap-on dildo. We know of women who say they’ll try anal sex, only if their man will take it that way, first. Sounds reasonable. Enough said. Available here.
Learn the secrets of better sex
The world-famous Lovers’ Guide range of videos / DVDs – available to own in the Lovers’ Guide shop (region 2) and as a series of video downloads (especially suitable for USA residents – and the rest of the world outside of Europe)